To the Person I Thought Would Never Change,

What happened to us? You used to be my best friend, a person I could trust with nearly everything. A person who never turned away or shut down when I was sad, scared, lonely, or confused. A person whose arms I could cry in. A person who I could drive for hours with on a summer night with all of the doors off of the Jeep and laugh and sing at the tops of our lungs like nothing else in the world existed. A person who I could grab coffee with, study with, watch a movie with, and eat pounds of junk food with until we were both nearly sick. What happened to us? What happened to the times where we were friends first, where we wanted the best for the other no matter how frustrated we became with school and careers?

Sadly, now I realize that all those years you spent convincing me that you were different, that you did not care to follow the crowd, was merely a cover. Of course, I was never perfect either. But I kept the promises that I made to you, and I was honest throughout the time we were in touch. Rather than asking the questions I have, that left me stranded with no closure, I’m ready to share the reasons why I am glad you changed, why I’m glad you decided to push away someone who really cared for you.

First, I am sorry you let go of a person who loved you selflessly. As the world becomes a more self centered place by the moment, holding on to those that love you selflessly is vital to personal wellbeing. Thank you for allowing me to realize that my selflessness… my pure intentions, should not be focused on a person who cares solely for their own self, how they look, and the image they want to build of themselves. Keyword: “image.”

Second, I am sorry you choose to live your life as someone you are not. I cannot imagine how lonely and difficult it must be to feel that you are not able to live your life as who you truly are. When “what you think people will accept” pushes out not only the people who truly care about you, but who you are as a person, it is heartbreaking. Realizing that having real people in your life, people who laugh at stupid jokes, who have fun and see the beauty in being genuine, brought me more happiness than you could ever contribute as you struggled with building your fake persona.

Third, I am sorry this world is too overwhelming for you. Regardless of what you say, or major in, I see right through your cover. You are scared. Scared of being accepted, scared of getting a job, scared of getting into graduate school… you are scared of it all. I am sorry you are chained by the things you fear, rather than jumping at every opportunity and seizing every day as you should while you are young.

Lastly, I find it appropriate to thank you. Although I am sad that our relationship never lasted as long as we both thought it would, thank you for showing me how to not live my life. Thank you for showing me that truly good and sensitive people can get lost in this judgmental world. Never do I want to live my life how other people think it should be lived, as you live your life every day.. I will never fall to the pressures of society, and I will never allow someone as selfish as you, to rain on my parade.

Thank you for the good memories, things were great while they lasted. But thank you more importantly for teaching me that I am a good person. Thank you for teaching me that I love selflessly, care genuinely, and keep promises. It is a shame someone as special as you has been lost. I can only hope one day, you see how small you acted and choose to love someone as I loved you.

11/11.