As a society, I think we put a lot of emphasis on making sure we show sympathy and empathy in the appropriate situations, because it's a sign of good character. Sympathy is an easy one because it only requires that you acknowledge the suffering, while empathy thrusts that suffering onto you and makes it your own. So, yes, being empathetic will help someone be a better human being, but I think it's important to remember that empathy is a double-edged sword. Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It is the sharing part that can make empathy so emotionally devastating for anyone who feels it.

I acknowledged pretty early on that I had an issue with empathy, but for a long time, I didn't have a name for it. I equated it to being too nice which earned me a reputation for being a doormat, and I definitely lived up to it. It has taken me years to fight the urges to constantly shelter the feelings of others because it was just easier to avoid all the regret I would feel after asserting my opinion or standing up to someone. Even now, I do my best to consider everything I say out loud carefully and to be constructive in all the criticism I give.

But empathy is so much more than your emotional reaction to someone else's emotional reaction. It's putting yourself in another person's situation, and feeling the pain they might be feeling. I have always been sensitive to the amounts of time and effort that someone puts into a project or an event, and if it's not a success or it goes unnoticed, I feel pure heartbreak for the person's wasted effort. I have sat through many seminars and presentations and left with crippling pain because I could tell not enough people cared or participated. I'm to the point that any wasted effort brings me down. I hardly ever tease even my closest friends because I will almost immediately begin an analysis of how it might have made them feel. The thought of something I said sticking with someone and causing them pain is too much to bear.

It's not all bad though. Laughter is always contagious, and smiles are always returned. I give encouragement whenever I can because I know the pain discouragement causes. I know that any kindness I show will make its way back to me whether it comes from another person or from a more gentle mindset for the day. So maybe I hold back when I shouldn't or I miss opportunities to be witty and make someone laugh, but me showing kindness to others is also me showing kindness to myself.