It is important to start with a disclaimer; everyone is different. Honestly, everyone processes, copes, and reacts to situations differently. These are my words and experiences. It may help some, but not others.
As I've gotten more serious about writing over the last few months, a common motif in my work has been mental well-being. I apologize to anyone who feels that I sound like a broken record or that I'm just sad and need to stop complaining, but this is my (suburban, privileged, dealing with depression) life.
Part of the problem with mental-disorders is that they are intangible. You can see a scar, and you can see a cast, but you can't see into someone's mind. And for people who have a sound, healthy mind, it is hard to understand what it is like to deal with depression or anxiety or OCD. It's not something you can find on Google Images or Pinterest, but I don't blame them for the occasional ignorance, as it wasn't something I understood until I had to deal with either.
Again, everyone's experience is different, but to shed some light on what it's like, I'll share my journey during some of my depressive episodes.
It's spring of 2014, second semester of your freshman year at college. Your bed is a haven, and you never want to leave it. You'll press your snooze alarm dozens of times until you drag yourself out of bed. You don't want to deal with the world, but guilt and shame of not meeting expectations and responsibilities string you along. You roll up to work or school late, torn between the aforementioned guilt of being late and having shocking levels of apathy. You go through the motions until you can come back home and lay in bed, not able to sleep thanks to agonizing insomnia.
The feelings
It is more than just feeling sad or upset. You feel worthless, and you lose interest in hobbies that you used to love. I had no desire to make art or play guitar (shocking if you know me). It's a self-destructive hole you dig yourself into. I had no desire for social contact, I pushed away people who cared about me. My family and friends honestly don't know why my girlfriend at the time stayed with me. I was neglectful, disinterested and honestly, just acted like a dick towards her. During my episodes I had so much unwarranted aggression and anger.
Physical
Depression and other mental diseases are more than just the feelings in a WebMD description. You're constantly tired. You're sore. You either sleep the entire day or you're still up to see the sun rise. Personally I would lose my appetite, forcing myself to eat one meal a day.
The Stigma
You can't tell what's going on in someone's mind. Mental-health needs more attention to erase the negative stigma that shrouds it. I live a blessed live, from a stable income to loving parents and everything else that goes along with being the child of white middle-class parents. But, anyone can struggle with their own mind. The ADAA has plenty of online resources for those that want to learn more or receive help.
Incase anyone is wondering, I no longer feel the way described in this article. I am currently prescribed anti-depressants and live a healthy lifestyle. I won't say I'm 'normal' or depression free, but I'm getting there.
