As most are aware, October is Domestic Violence awareness month. For the last few years, this month always makes me feel different. It seems as though there is a double-edged sword when it comes to domestic abuse. The criminal justice system tends to favor the accuser in order to prevent other victims from feeling afraid and to report their abusers. However, the other side of the coin is the defendant. The court system issue millions of restraining orders a year. Some studies suggest that there are countless false allegations of domestic violence every year. The defendants in these cases have their lives turned upside down because of these charges. I was one of those defendants.
You hear the term used ad nausea, "Innocent until proven guilty." But what does that really mean? When we hear stories or read articles, we tend to jump to assumptions based on what we read. We then take those biases, and allow them to influence a judgement on that situation. I have come to learn however, it turns the saying into "Guilty until proven Innocent." Without getting into too much detail (it has been discussed in some of my other articles), I was accused of a heinous crime and told that due to the color of my skin, white, and my profession, law enforcement, that "of course you committed it; look at all the other white cops abusing their powers." This sent me into a complete whirlwind, and downward spiral. Once the information is out there, defending yourself, clearing your name, fighting suspicion and tolerating disdain is a horrible predicament.
Words have power when strung up in the right order. It could mean the difference between making or breaking an argument. It could mean the difference between convicting a guilty or innocent man. In domestic violence cases, in certain states, minimal evidence is required and anything "perceived" as a threat, is. Most judges or domestic violence hearing officers grant orders of protection usually grant temporary orders as long as there is some shred of reasoning behind it.
I am full aware that there are many women out there who are legitimate victims of abuse. Many one day find the courage to either leave or report their abuser. However, there are a small sect of women that accuse men for other reasons and this should not be tolerated. Even if the charges are found to be groundless and eventually dismissed, it can impact the life of the accused further down the road. Temporary orders issued may appear in criminal background checks and potentially hinder future employment opportunities let alone any social or psychological damage done.
Making a false accusation in a public way is an aggressive act. Nothing prepares you for it. The only suggestion I can give to you that helped me through my time is to never give up and never stop fighting. I learned at the police academy that when you find yourself in the biggest fight of your life, you do whatever it takes to survive. If it wasn't for those drill instructors teaching me that, as well as having a core support of friends and family, who knows what would've happened to me. Time takes away the sting, people eventually figure out the truth and recovery is possible. You will be stronger, savvier and overall, a better you.
