I was so in love and I was so sure I was going to marry him. After spending almost three years together, I thought our relationship was invincible. But life happened, it ended and life has gone on.
The majority of us know what it’s like to fall victim to the relentless agony of heart break. When it comes down to the ending of a relationship you thought would never end, there's no other pain like it. I am not a relationship expert, but I am a woman who has had her heart broken multiple times in her 21 years of life. It was this one that hurt the worst.
How do I get over such heartache? Is it even possible?
Yes. With willpower and amazing friends, I did.
Here's how.
1. Allow yourself to be sad.
The most important thing to do when going through a break up is letting yourself feel your emotions. Do not try to convince yourself that you are okay, because at that moment, it’s okay to admit you aren’t. If you’re upset, cry. If you’re angry, scream. If you’re confused about why the relationship even ended, think. Put that sad, rainy day playlist on repeat and feel those feels. Get rid of the photos, texts and letters. Replace your wedding daydreams with your own goals and aspirations, just do it all on your own timeline.
2. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
A relationship starts and ends between two people, you and your partner. Everyone is going to be curious as to why it ended, but it is none of their business. You always have the choice whether to divulge into the details of what had happened or just keep it to yourself.
3. Surround yourself with people you love.
You might feel an urge to be alone, but please don’t allow yourself to do this. I have lost friendships because I have pushed away the people who were only trying to help me. It’s okay to let yourself grieve the ending of a relationship, but you cannot allow your grief to become contagious and cause the end of other relationships you care about. Remind yourself that there are others in your life who still love you and are deserving of your love.
4. Force yourself to go out.
You need to be reminded that you are still capable of having fun without your significant other. You are single! You don’t have to check in with anyone. You can make out with that really hot guy/girl you see across the dance floor. You can give your number to the cute bartender. You are an independent human being again, celebrate it!
5. Analyze the lessons learned from your relationship, but don’t OVER analyze.
Every relationship we hold, romantic or not, is a chance for us to learn something new about ourselves and others. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Every experience we go through can make us stronger or weaker and it’s our own choice on how we let those experiences effect us. No one is perfect. Take into account what you could have done better as a partner and concentrate on things you can improve on to become an overall better person.
6. The Family ties.
Honestly, this is always the hardest part of a break up for me. When you're in a relationship for over a year, it's inevitable that you build relationships with your partner's family. I have come to the realization that just because you and a boyfriend/girlfriend break up, doesn't mean you're obligated to end the other relationships you've built along the way. It will definitely be a different kind of relationship, but if it's important to you, don't be hesitant to keep in touch.
7. Take this time to love yourself.
It has been about five or six months now since my last relationship ended and the time I have taken for myself has helped me come to many self revelations. This time has helped me learn to love and grow to appreciate myself. You are the only person in the world you will have to live with for the rest of your life, so you might as well learn to love that person.
8. Do NOT backslide.
Backslide - to relapse into bad ways or error, in the case of relationships, "harmlessly hooking up with an ex". Backsliding is the worst thing to do for your emotional stability. Do not give yourself false hope by trying to salvage a relationship that has already ended through physical actions. Both of you will just end up hurting more. Get the closure you need then back away.
