The Olympics Goes To The Dogs

I started my night out by cuddling up on the couch with my dogs and my husband and watched with millions, the opening ceremony that was held in Rio de Janeiro. What an awesome night for both Brazil and the 10,000 athletes in attendance. I started contemplating about each sport and was truly in awe of how many years of training athletes take in order to perfect their form... and then my dog puked on the rug.

Our dogs don't receive nearly enough credit for the superb athletes they really are, which made me think... What are my dogs really good at? So without further ado...

Let the Olympic Games in Rio begin!

11 Olympic Sports for Our Dogs

The Panty Run

In just a matter of seconds, athletes must locate a pair of panties and run them 10 feet and hide them under their bed without being caught. This event proved difficult for the Miniature Schnauzer, as they felt guilty and turned in their panties to the judges. The tenacious Chihuahua holds the world record for this event, winning the gold in panty thievery.

The Sausage Relay

At the starting line, the athletes should be able to retrieve a hot dog from a small child and run it back to their relay partner without eating any of it. Both dogs must work as a team to not only fight primal instinct to eat the hot dog, but to also hoard a pile together before consuming. This event proved difficult for many breeds as they could not work as a team to share, but the Dachshunds came out victorious exhibiting the true meaning of teamwork.

The Hurl Toss

After hours worth of sneaking scraps and eating bugs in the yard, the athletes must run around the track of the yard and projectile vomit on a white comforter in the bedroom. Many athletes were disqualified for vomiting outside of the lines, onto the hardwood, but the Husky remained victorious as they aimed and shot a perfect bulls-eye onto the comforter. Being the great sports they are, they even stuck around for the clean-up crew to share in their success.

Platform Dumpster Diving

Athletes must line on a kitchen cabinet and leap 4 feet into a sturdy garbage can. The fastest athlete to retrieve the putrid fish head and resurface wins the gold. The Chinese Crested was unfortunately disqualified, as he could not jump out of the trashcan, giving away his position. The Mutt, however, has had years of training on the streets enabling her to bound away, winning a new world record.

The Booty Scoot Sprint

With the shot of the starting gun, athletes must scoot across the carpet leaving visible marks from start to finish. The longest visible poop scoot wins the gold. With various breeds assumed to win, the Poodle and the Bull Dog went head-to-head. It was only by six inches that the Bull Dog pulled ahead and took the gold.

Aquatic Ball Retrieval

One of the most controversial events this summer, the Aquatic Ball Retrieval is leaving dogs with a filmy-like coat, smelling of raw sewage after swimming in the "thought to be" tainted waters of Rio. This event has been called off after the shocking retrieval of a dead seagull by the Labrador. Due to the horrific condition of the water, the seagull died of a high toxicity from consuming rancid fish. No medals will be handed out in this event and the Environmental Protection Agency is hot on the case.

A little different from our group events, the Deep Hole Dig takes place as an individualized event. There are no time limits; however, the dog with the deepest hole from a continuous dig will win the gold. After an astonishing 30 minutes, the event came to a close finish with the Beagle, Shi Tzu and the Boxer. The Shi Tzu finished in third, as he could not reach any further into the hole he had made and the boxer won the gold... but due to unregulated doping was disqualified and removed from our Olympic event. The Beagle then took the gold.

100-Meter Car Chase

A very involved race, the event starts with a mail truck ahead of our athletes. In this race, the parents of the athletes are involved as well! At the toot of the car horn, the dogs take off after the trucks, and following are their respective parents trying to catch them. The dog to get caught last wins the gold… as well as time-out for not listening. Another incredible world record is now held by the crowd favorite, the Whippet.

Synchronized Ribbon Twirling

Another coupled event, the ribbon twirling is always a crowd favorite. Spectators are always in awe of the beautiful motion and consistent movement created by the dogs with their toys. The Boston terrier has always been a strong contender in this event, but with the new and up and coming Yorkies, their title has been taken! The Yorkies came in strong with impeccable spins and perfect synchronicity. The judges were impressed, giving them the final win and score of a perfect 10.

The Golf Toss

A revamped event brought back into the Olympics this year, golf has always been a very methodical event. Athletes must line up at the tee and toss their own toy as far as they can, for maximum distance to retrieve it back. This event brings out some of our oldest and most seasoned athletes, some even pushing 10-13! The Australian Blue Heeler, making his third Olympic return gave his oldest competitor, the Border Collie a run for the gold this year. Sadly, the Blue Heeler bogeyed his last hole, handing the gold to the Collie.

Power Eating

A new and exciting event is the Power Eating competition. The first dog to gain the most amount of weight from eating (and not vomiting) in five minutes wins! A true tiebreaker almost came from the head-to-head competition between the Pitt and the Pug. However, the heavy contender, the Pitt broke through and gained an additional 0.8 oz, winning the gold. The Pug attempted to call an instant replay to overturn the win on a kibble technicality, although the Pitt still remained triumphant.

At the end of the day, there was minimal humping and a strong representation from multiple breeds from around the world. The closing ceremony will take place next week with the Circle of Butt-Sniffs for good sportsmanship. All athletes are invited to attend with the exception of the Chihuahua, who was sent home from repeated inappropriate urination in non-authorized areas.

If you have an Olympic athlete in your home, please let us know in the comments below and share!