“Good morning! How did you sleep? I couldn’t stop thinking of you.” The echo of these words spoken by Jessica Romoff and Mila Cuda sent chills down my spine.
If you have seen this video, you may already know the plot of this story. Romoff and Cuda beautifully illustrated the back-and-forth conversation that permeates far too many relationships; from Baby Boomers to Millennials, everyone can find truth in this piece. In one minute they highlight a cycle that normally happens over several months- the subtle hints that go overlooked, the compliments that build one’s self esteem, quickly followed by the accusations and tear downs. Chaos that is masked by the three little words, “I love you.”
As the plot progresses, it leads to the peaking moment of realization. Romoff and Cuda concurrently vocalize, screaming to the audience, “I tell them I was so captivated by the house he built for me I didn’t notice the locked door. I didn’t notice I was captive to this garden of guilt. I tell them I tried leaving.” Then with one deep breath and a monotone look they recite “The number you have dialed has been changed, disconnected, or is no longer in service…Goodbye.” The cycle of emotional abuse has come to an end.
While this monumental moment should be celebrated, I love that they end the video with a neutral look plastered on their faces. To me, it signifies the many internal battles still to come. Just because a person can physically block the source of their pain, in this scenario, by changing phone numbers, it doesn’t mean that the pain inside of them leaves. Emotional abuse leaves scars hidden from society's eyes, and sadly left for the survivors to process on their own. Unfortunately, even when the next boyfriend, the better relationship - the second chance that some survivors may feel is too good to be true - arrives these scars are still present. While I can only speak from experience, and I know every relationship is different, I want to tell the next boyfriend: please love her for who she is. By love, I mean respect. Respect her for her doubt, how she might question you, and be paranoid at times because she never questioned her ex's motives. Respect her when she says I'm sorry for no apparent reason, and remind her that she doesn't need to be sorry for having an opinion. She is the only person who can heal herself, but please provide her with patience and support so she can. Please don't take her scars personally, whether they show up as paranoia, doubt, or hesitation. She is not being overly dramatic, too sensitive, or crazy. She has been hurt and is healing. Allow her the safe space to be a masterpiece and mess bundled up in one. I hope you realize that by dating you, she is taking the biggest step towards recovery she can. She has decided to trust again. She has deemed you worthy of her trust when she thought she didn't have any left. I know you will treat her right and always support her, but sadly the guy before you didn't. So please remind her, no matter how redundant it may sound, that love is respect; and above all, that she is worthy of all the respect in the world.
