I'm going to be honest, folks. Nothing makes me more sick to my stomach than abuse. Not just because I'm a survivor of all sorts of abuse, but because it's seen as romantic in so many fictional spheres.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

The sad truth is that this is a microscopic list of abusive relationships portrayed as romantic relationships. In media and in society young women are often taught that they need to conform to a man's dastardly nature and to be a symbol of light, purity, and salvation for these "broken" boys. This is a confusing and horrifying concept considering that a sane person would suggest these young men seek therapy, not a relationship.

However, it's still prevalent to the point that these stereotypes end up causing real pain for real people who have been guided by these narratives. I personally know many friends who tried to "fix" or "save" these kinds of people and end up with their own traumas because of it. You see, no amount of love can fix what the past has done to someone. If they've coped by becoming narcissistic, abusive, violent, or obsessive, that will not be undone by a moonlight kiss or embrace. The demons that haunt the bones of trauma are not shooed away by holding hands. So why does this persist?

There is a great deal of feminist discourse discussing this issue and campaigning for the portrayal of healthy relationships in media. Why? Because we learn from literature and examples. Many people grew up wanting that Prince Charming man in their lives. Why? Because the princess was given a happily ever after by his hand. As children we learn to idolize archetypes and roles. Thus, we seek these traits in real people to either bond with romantically or in a platonic nature. So if people are raised on the idea that women are frail, pure, and holy and that young men are dark, mysterious, and wild we form to those notions.

That's how I became a victim of years of abuse.

Once upon a time I was best friends with two people who I thought I'd never let leave my life. They validated my own dark past and filled me with a kind of happiness I thought I could find nowhere else. They convinced me I'd never find happiness without them.

In reality, they were abusive, controlling, manipulative sociopaths. They used me to solve their own incurable relationship problems, held me in place with sweet words and promises of faithfulness. I was apologized to profusely, told that it would never happen again. I was given the occasional gift to be pacified and introduced to their families as their best friend. As someone who hadn't been social until late middle school, this was a dream come true and they knew that. When they finally exited my life they did so with destructive force. I lost my apartment security deposit because of damages they'd inflicted on the property, they destroyed my property, and cost me over $1000 in damages and losses.

For a year afterword I was still blaming myself and crying myself to sleep at night because I thought I'd done something wrong. I felt like I'd never trust or feel happy again. That is what abuse does to you. And that is why I beg modern media to stop teaching people that the stereotypes above are anything akin to love.

I could go on and on and on but what we really need to do is to get critical about your media. Stalking isn't cute or funny. Calling 20 times is not sweet or endearing. If they are trying to say you can't hang out with friends because your partner doesn't trust you, isn't not a healthy relationship. If you're not allowed to hang out with friends of the opposite sex because your partner doesn't trust you, it's not a healthy relationship. If they try to isolate you emotionally or physically it's not healthy. If they check your phone it's not healthy. If they call your work looking for you when you won't answer your phone, it's not healthy.

If you feel scared, confused, anxious, depressed, hurt, unhappy, or abused when you're with them, it's not healthy.

Lastly.