Since the beginning of time, humans have dreaded being around others. But just like with everything, change will happen! Now, in the 21st century, there is a new set of rules for hating everyone around you. If you're nervous about how to go about dealing with your irritation, this guide will be your best friend (maybe your only friend, if you're lucky!).
1) Limit yourself to 8 hours a day. Hatred can be exhausting.
While it seems like a good idea, over-hating can drain all your energy! Be sure to limit yourself.
2) Nowadays, you are scared to turn on the news, so keep it to a max of 3 times a week.
Tragedy doesn't go away, so a 2-day hiatus won't throw you out of the loop.
3) People with well-trained dogs get a 10 point hate reduction.
It's hard to hate people with a dog at their side, especially if they let you pet their pooch! Just for that, you can put these individuals at the bottom of your hate list.
4) Scrolling is free on Facebook. Use it.
If anything makes you want to live in a cave, be sure to use the brand new scrolling option installed on all devices so that you can easily avoid more reasons to hate the world!
5) Practice your fake smile in the mirror to find the most natural look for you.
A daily session in front of the mirror will ensure you can fit in with other humans at work and public places. Once you find the perfect look, be sure to post on Facebook so that you convince everyone your face isn't a permanent "resting bitch face."
6) Yes, eye-rolls burn calories, so do them!
Think of them like somersaults and fit them into your daily routine. It's the best way to exercise without hitting the gym!
7) "Kill them with kindness" is an effective rule in most cases.
Okay, it's not...but remember "kill them with an axe" is still murder.
8) If you get the feeling you never want to leave your sofa again, don't worry that is normal.
Grab some chips, your laptop, and a blanket! What more do you need? No human interaction is the best interaction!
9) Yes, animals are always better than people! That rule has never changed.
From cats to piglets, animals are the best type of friends to surround yourself with. Loyal, loving, and snuggly creatures are the only love you will ever need! Plus, they don't talk back or stab you in the back!
10) The aliens are taking kidnapping requests at this time.
Remember, there will still be other humans aboard the ship but there is a good chance they are less shitty than the ones you're thinking about right this moment.
11) Watch some inspirational videos to feel slightly better about humanity's demise.
There is always those videos that give you a sliver of hope about society's future. You may even consider going outside! It's nice to get a little dose of positivity to counteract your daily dread of humans.
12) You're not alone in this!
It's okay not to be happy all the time or like every person you encounter. Most people can infuriate us to no end, but you're not alone. Hopefully, you can find a couple humans that you actually want to be around and make you feel happy!!! And when you can't find any at all, just remember, there are plenty of animals in shelters looking for a loving home!
