It’s been a while since modern teenage girls have fantasized about what it’s like to be Belle or Ariel. Wanna know why? Because this isn’t an underwater kingdom or a small French town in the 1860’s. This is 2016 and girls are different now (at least they like to pretend they’re different). So why not give modern girls a Disney princess they can relate to? Introducing the Millennial Disney Princess.
Millennial Disney Princess takes all of the things you love about your favorite Disney heroines and combines them to create one modern, entitled fairytale. Just like Aurora, Millennial Disney Princess sleep in too, for the most part it’s due to the fact that she can’t find a job because no one told her you can’t make money with an Art History degree. Like Belle, Millennial Disney Princess is smart, hipster and unassuming. She loves to read … Buzzfeed articles that help her decipher what type of bagel she is. She enjoys writing lengthy posts about social or political issues she isn’t accurately informed about. She also wears thick-rimmed glasses (they’re fake) and owns a Polaroid camera! Snow White has a passion and connection to all of the animal kingdom, and Millennial Disney Princess created an Instagram account for her dog. Millennial Disney Princess is similar to Elsa because she’s “Literally like so cold all the time!” Ariel’s most prized quality was her voice, which she gave up for Prince Eric. In a similar fashion, Millennial Disney Princess gives up her most valuable asset, her phone, by doing a week-long social media cleanse to impress the guy she likes.
Millennial Disney Princess doesn’t want to settle down just yet, so instead of waiting for her Prince Charming, she’s waiting for the right “promposal.” Like Rapunzel’s hair or Cinderella’s glass slipper, Millennial Disney Princess has the perfect winged eyeliner and an endless supply of crop tops with annoying phrases like “live.laugh.love.” printed on the front. Her hobbies include Netflix binge-watching, complaining about how no one understands her, selfie-taking, and giving unsolicited advice.
But like any princess, Millennial Disney Princess has problems. Just like when the bad men were trying to take away Pocahontas’s land; for instance, she accidentally liked her ex’s Instagram from 57 weeks ago. Due to problems such as this, and her lack of a thigh gap, Millennial Disney Princess has to go to an expensive therapist three times a week. According to her, it’s really beneficial because it makes her “get, like, so deep”.
Millennial Disney Princess doesn’t want to be just a princess. She has aspirations, too. She wants desperately to have the perfect eyebrows, beat her highest Instagram likes, and cause someone to refer to her as “#goals.” She meets the perfect balance of wanting everything to be handed to her, but at the same time being “like so stressed and busy.”
Millennial Disney Princess represents the diverse group of young women in the country by showing what they really look like: a face hidden by the Snapchat doggy ear filter.
Where she’s lacking in experience and maturity she makes up for in narcissism and texting speed.
Millennial Disney Princess, the hashtag relatable princess
