As we blossom from our teenage years into women, we face many transitions and changes throughout our lives. The ups and the downs, the people who came and went...basically the only thing stable we could learn to count on is the stash of wine in the kitchen cabinet.
We have always thought about the stages through life by the "traditional" milestones. What's more traditional than a glass of grown up juice?
Stage 1. Moscato town
What better way to introduce yourself to the wonderful world of wines than Moscato, the apple juice of all wines. At this point in your life, you're more than likely earning a minimum wage salary. You're totally fine with the single bottle twist-off and enjoy entertaining your party guests with the classic 10-minute chug (you're not fooling anyone).
Stage 2. Riesling World
Congrats! You have finally graduated from Moscato and are ready to move on to bigger and more bitter wine. You're still a novice, but accept the fact that this is the perfect time to upgrade to the larger bottle as well. Just take it easy sister!
Stage 3. Pinot Grigio Point
Say goodbye to the sugary s***, it is time for the big leagues. That means no more chugging, it is time to put on your big girl panties and start to sip. Now is the point in your life when you are starting to settle down and make your way into the suburban housewife circle. You can go on brisk morning jogs and gossip over coffee all you want, but the meat of these relationships are formed over a nice chilled bottle of wine with your best lady friends, just don't try to show off too much.
Stage 4. Marvin Gaye & Chardonnay
At this point you are totally in with the "cool moms," and make it a point to have your weekly wine nights. You all know each others likes and dislikes, but can't help but smile when you hear one of the girls totally got some work done!
Stage 5. Red, Red Wine
Ahh..alas the final stage in this wonderful world made up of wine and everything fine. At this point, you couldn't really give a crap about anyone else, as long as one of your kids doesn't end up in jail. As they say, a glass of red wine a day equals one hour at the gym (which definitely means a bottle a night is even better!)
Welp, at this point you have made the full rotation of life and have a tolerance level equal to an NFL lineman. If you have learned one thing at this point, it is that life is way too short for bad wine.
So, drink up, ladies, it's time to party.
