Every woman dreams of what their future will look like, we start planning our weddings when we don’t understand the meaning of vows and can’t even spell the word bouquet. We wonder what our husband will look like, what she will be like, how he will propose. That’s all important, don’t get me wrong, but what I seem to think of the most is how he will treat me. I have seen many failed marriages, broken engagements, and abusive relationships. My only hope for my future husband is that he sees me for who I am and loves me regardless of everything I’m not.

I’m sorry I will never see myself the way you see me. I am hard headed and stubborn and no matter how many times you tell me you love the way I look; I will always seek reassurance. Some boys have called me self-conscious, some have even gone as far as to say my doubt comes from my constant need for attention. I would say my self-doubt comes from past experience where as soon as something better, or rather someone better, comes along I am left behind. I feel the need to be reminded constantly of how you feel and that you think I’m enough. If that’s too big of a job for you, I’m sorry but we have no future. If you’re up for the challenge, I’m thankful to have you around.

I’m sorry I’m so independent that I will sometimes, most of the time, threaten your masculinity. From being the big spoon to making my own money, to paying for dates and refusing to let you waste your money on me, I am one of the rare women who are not attracted by the amount of money in your pocket and more the amount of love and compassion you hold in your heart. Most men would be threatened as soon as I pull out my wallet to pay, but I need a man that’s willing to play rock paper scissors for the check. If you feel the need to “wear the pants” in the relationship, I’m sorry because no pants are the best pants. If you’re mature enough to handle the fact that we are equals, I’m thankful to have someone like you in my life.

Lastly, I’m sorry that my past relationships have affected me in such a way that it is difficult for me to open up. You will come across many problems that you did not start, but it will become your job to fix them. From my issues with jealousy to my trust issues, you were not the cause of these, but you will become the solution to them. I need you to help me break away from all of the memories I hold of broken hearts and shattered dreams, I need you to help put me back together and understand that you might get a cut or two in the process. If your mindset is that of “I didn’t break you, why should I fix you” then I’m sorry but you’re not capable of loving me. In the rare chance that you love me for me, for my problems and insecurities, for my flaws and my defects, I just want to thank you for being everything I need to be the best me I can me.