To the man who chose to love me, even though he didn’t have to:

The man I’m writing this letter to is not my one true love, my latest fling, or some guy I used to date. It’s to my step dad, the man who chose to love me, even though he didn’t have to.

If you knew me, you’d know I haven’t had the easiest go of things. When I was thirteen, I watched my family fall apart at the hands of addiction, my dad walked out and never looked back. The one man who was supposed to love me without condition had given up on me. Instead of telling a sob story about my father who chose not to love me, I am going to tell the story of the wonderful, loving, step-father who chooses to love me every single day.

Dear step-dad,

There are so so many things I want to say to you, so many things I want to thank you for but I’d like to start this off by telling you how much I respect you. It takes a very strong man to step up to the plate and take on the role of a father to children who are not his, and it truly speaks for the man you are. You have shown me that having kids doesn’t make you a dad, raising them does. I am so grateful that you made the choice to love me as your own child and for proving to me that a father’s love is not defined by DNA.

I’ve heard so many horror stories from my friends about their evil step-parents, so you can imagine I too was a little hesitant at first about my moms new “boyfriend” (dare I say that word?) But almost six years later and I am so incredibly grateful that you came into our life.

I can imagine your reaction upon meeting my mother and finding out she had not one, not two, but FIVE children. You probably contemplated how horribly the relationship could spiral out of control if god-forbid, one of her kids didn’t like you. You could’ve ran the other way because in reality who wants to step in and help raise five teenagers? Luckily for this family, you didn’t run the other way. You chose to stay. You chose us. You took a chance on us. To me, that means more than you’ll ever understand.

So thank you.

Thank you for being the standard against which I judge all men, which simply means I now have really high standards. You treat my mother like she deserves to be treated day in and day out. I just hope that one day I can find someone who looks at me, the way you look at her, even when she’s being cranky.

Thank you for never treating me like anything other than your own daughter since day one. You’re there for every birthday, every dentist appointment, every emergency. I know that no matter what I can count on you.

Thank you for putting my family back together. We had a pretty rough go at things over the years, but you walked into our life and made us whole again. You were exactly what we needed like glue that filled all of our cracks.

Thank you for never, ever giving up on me even when I had completely given up on myself (or the time I totaled your car.)

Thank you for being a source of strength and support. You’re always there to pick me up when I’m down and hold me together when I’m falling apart. You’re always the first one to tell me the guy who didn’t choose me is a complete idiot and to remind me of my worth. You never fail to put a smile on my face when I’m hurting, and you’re always there to congratulate me when something goes well.

And last but not least, thank you for not only filling the void of my father’s absence but for being the dad he never was. Because of you, I no longer feel the pain of him leaving, the reason being what I have with you is an unbreakable bond. You have given me a reason to trust men again. You have given me a reason to be hopeful for the future. Most importantly, you have given me a father.

We may not be the traditional family by any standard, but we are a family. You’ve helped us to take a crisis and make something beautiful out of it. All I can say is I hope I’m at least half the parent you didn’t have to be.

Love always,

Your chosen daughter