I don’t care that the election is four days away, or whenever it is in relation to when this article is published, it might even be over. I don’t care about the candidates and their vile personalities, and while I know that regardless of which one is elected or was elected our nation is going to be greatly affected, I don’t care about any of it. I can’t. This week I am consumed with the reminder that life isn’t fair. Bad things, terrible things, unimaginable heartaches happen to the best of people with no explanation, no reason, and no just cause. Tomorrow a dear will be laid to rest, as her four children, her family, and many of her friends mourn the void that has been left in her absence. I will not use her name out of respect for her, her children, and her family. But I can tell you all that I can about her, the battle that she fought, and the grace and beauty which she exemplified until the very end.
She was the kind of person, the kind of woman who believed the absolute best in every one that she met. I never heard her utter an unkind word to anyone, or about anyone, even those who were deserving of one. She loved with everything she had. The love she had for her children, for everyone, was beautiful, it was exemplary. She was hearing impaired, and never questioned why. I know as a mother myself, she must’ve longed to hear the voices of her children. She’d never even heard them cry, something so small, that can become an irritant was something she never had the privilege to experience. She never complained. At all. She had experienced tremendous adversity in the last few years of her life, before she ever received her cancer diagnosis.
Life isn’t fair.
She wept, she questioned briefly, and then she showed the same strength in the face of trials for which she was known. She struggled, she protected her children, she loved, she was resilient, and she moved forward, looking to the future and the promise of a new beginning.
Everything changed not even a year ago. As she was putting the pieces back together, she became ill, and dealt with almost two months of being bounced from doctor to doctor, each doling out a different and incorrect diagnosis. By March the stage 4 diagnosis had been given, stomach cancer, inoperable. She messaged me on March 19th, she used the word aggressive.
Life isn’t fair.
We talked about how she would tell the kids, and when her family would arrive from out of town. Within days we were talking about PIC lines, chemo and all of its ugliness, and her prognosis- which wasn’t good, but she was hopeful, she was strong, she was herself.
The time passed quickly, spring became summer, and summer faded, and she became too ill for visits and was going back and forth from her home here in the Midwest to her family’s home, closer to where they were seeking advanced treatment for her at a renowned medical center in the south. She continued to talk to friends when she was able, and would make the trip to watch her kids play ball right up until she just had no strength left to do so. It became evident a few weeks ago that this wasn’t a battle to be won, no matter how valiant the fight.
Life isn’t fair.
Soon she was sleeping most of the time. Then this past Wednesday morning, an unseasonably warm autumn morning, full of sunshine and the brilliant colors of the season, we received word that she was gone.
Life isn’t fair.
What we do have are memories and her legacy. Her legacy is one of superhero strength, grace, loyalty, and love. Her legacy for me, as her friend, is that she made me want to be a better human. To love more. To share more. The memories, while I cherish them, are just not enough for me, and certainly not enough for her children who are grieving the profound loss of their mother, a wonderful mother. We are selfish, I am selfish, and want her to be here.
Life isn’t fair.
I am a spiritual person, a Christian, and I believe in the promise of eternity, the hope of an eternity where there is no more sorrow, there is no more heartbreak, and there is no more cancer. I believe that my friend, one of the best people I have ever had the privilege to know, has been fully restored. She can walk, she can breathe, and she can hear. I fully believe that heaven might be different for each of us, and for my dear sweet friend, that included her getting to hear all of the sounds of life that she had never experienced. I believe that she heard the cries and the laughter of her children, she’s now heard a pouring summer rain, she has heard sounds of life and of love.
While we deeply grieve the loss of an amazing woman, I continue to be grateful to have had the honor to have called her my friend, and it is because of her that I will always want to be better than I am. To quote song lyrics from the popular Broadway musical “Wicked” “…who can say if I’ve been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good…”
Thank you for being a true friend, and a wonderful human being. Rest in Peace.
