My life is one, big question mark. Lately, as I’ve been feeling that way, I experience the slightest bit of panic. I’m scared. Scared that I need to know who I’m gonna be, where I’m gonna go, what I’m gonna do, who I’m gonna do it all with. Deep down, I know that I don’t have to have it all figured out, but I feel safer when I have a plan.
I’m the kind of person who plans out every little detail. My day calendar is a color-coded beauty that has my time planned down to 15-minute intervals. I block out spaces for classes, homework, studying, socializing, working out; I have even been known to allot “shower time”. As intense as that sounds, I feel better knowing that everything is neatly penned in on my daily schedule. Although these “planner” habits of mine have been referred to as completely crazy, OCD, and over-the-top, I always liked to spin it as I am organized, motivated, responsible. I don’t start tasks without a strategic plan, and I most certainly don’t haphazardly make decisions about my life.
As I grow older, and more and more things don’t go as planned, I’ve realized how many negative effects there are to being a structured planner. I fear that I will live my life perpetually unsatisfied if things don’t go as planned, which is obviously the furthest thing from true. I have come to the conclusion that I know how my life is supposed to go, instead of trusting in The One who already knows, and that is altogether a downfall for me.
We fear the unexpected because we try to fit our big, abstract lives into perfectly shaped little boxes. We limit ourselves to new possibilities, ways of thinking, and opportunities if they don’t go along with the plans we make for our each and every day. We have become obsessed with the idea that we can take control, that somehow we can make sure every little detail falls perfectly into place. We paint these gorgeous pictures for our lives without leaving any room for smudges, changes, or new directions. All of these tendencies dull our shine and lead to disappointment when things don’t go our way.
What if we released these tight grips on our lives? What if we handed over our deep desires to control and just let things happen? Would we then find satisfaction? Would we finally feel at peace, or would we be launched into a furry of confusion and recklessness?
I think we should throw all plans out the window. We should take each day one moment at a time and trust that all of our needs will be provided for, even if they are fulfilled in a different way than we once thought they would be. The freedom that comes with not planning is refreshing and I promise that it will allow you to enjoy “the little things” that life has to offer. Although I won’t be completely trashing my meticulous day planner, I hope to take on my days with confidence and trust that He will handle whatever is thrown my way.
