I know I've done it countless of times now. But, as the new year embarks on its 365 day journey I find myself returning to the notebook everyday now. Maybe the past two years of my life have struck me with so much that I can't bottle up anymore and writing is the sweet release I have been seeking out this entire time. Or maybe, I write with the hope that one day I can look back on the word vomit I spew onto the pages and have a sense of comfort that the time in my life has past and I'm in a far much better place. I'm not one who partakes in New Years resolution or tosses around the "New Year, New Me" slogan as if just saying those words with cause some change in me. However, I am the 20-year-old, soon to be 21-year-old who wants to find joy in the little things and not focus so much on the negative that has clouded the start of my early 20s.
So, together I see that we find a way to return to the notebook that has been neglected for so long. Those pages yearn tobe written on and want to hear about our day and the feelings we had throughout it. Maybe you had a customer at your minimum wage job that made you think that maybe there are still some good people in this world. Perhaps, the person you like interacted with you in some way that made your day a little happier. Or, maybe you just want to jot down something quick, just so there is something to be written on that page for the particular day. Whether you want to write for therapeutic reasons or just to have some type of item that will end up in a box of memories you will look through one day while cleaning the attic or basement in your late 50s, just grab the pen and start writing. It's my odd hope for 2021 that inspired me to grab the pen. And when I say odd, I don't mean it in a bad sense. To me, 2021 is the start of what I think will be one of the good years I look back on when I'm older and telling my kids about things I did, the places I went and the people I met.
Yes, it isn't the most normal start to a new year and we may still be fighting a global pandemic that seems never ending. But we can't let the bad overpower what could be something good. I'm not saying not wear a mask or be reckless and hang out in large groups or anything of that matter to trying and make the most of 2021. What I am saying though is try to find the good in all of this bad. Write about it. Because there are so many moments, even in a pandemic, that will all be faded memories one day that we won't remember. And, maybe we will want to remember a tiny moment that made us feel good when in the grand scheme of things, everything else was kind of shitty. I can write a novel at the rate my life seems to be going at about all of the moments that would make one want to quit and give up even trying to find good and happiness. But, I WANT to write journal entires everyday that remind me why I continue to keep going and that the little things matter. It matters to me that I was able to make a customer laugh, that I saw the numbers '444' consecutively on license plates and the clock, have someone wave a 'thank you' after I let them turn into the lane. It is time to focus on good things.
And while there is good you can write about, don't shy away from the moments that aren't so good. I know I said focus on the good and I don't want to remember the bad moments. But, those not so great moments are shaping me into the young women I am. I'm learning who I can depend on and not to give out my trust so easily, that I want to be successful in this life and one day give back to those who were there for me when I was going through struggles that only a few knew about. There are days I feel like complete garbage and my room looks like a tornado swept through it. But, I am finding the motivation to roll out of bed and slap a smile on my face because my desire is to be happy. And I may not be happy getting up for the 6AM shift after going to bed at 2AM because my thoughts keep me awake, I know by the time the shift ends I'll be awake and eager to do more in that day than I would have been waking up at 12PM with half the day gone. And if you are thinking that me going to bed at 2AM is the biggest struggle I'm facing, it isn't. I'm dealing with family and financial issues I couldn't have even began to fathom going back 2 to 3 years ago. But, here I am. I cover up that it actually pains me to deal with these issues behind closed doors by joking about the situation to the people I tell and making it seem I'm not taking it too deep. But there are days it strikes me and I realize it is my reality. However, I also realize that the reality is I don't need to let it define my mood 24/7. That's where writing every day comes in. I tie in the bad with the good, because I want the good moments to shine as well and not just have the bad overpower them.
So...I'm picking up my pen and writing everyday. Are you?