I used to think bullying was reserved for the playground.
It always seemed like kid's stuff to me -- sure, I knew there would be some nasty adults out there, but surely they would maintain at least some sense of civility -- and, as people with fully functional mental facilities, they would be open to reason (if they weren't talking politics with an opposite party member, of course). I believed adulthood would be fairly void of pointless name-calling, of appearance-based insults, of clubs dedicated to hating a person. And, in real life, people really aren't so bad.
It's the internet where we seem to have a problem.
It doesn't matter who it is: It could be a CEO, a college student, a stay-at-home parent, a farmer, an athlete, a teacher -- nobody seems able to resist pouring cruelty out onto the internet. And nobody is off-limits. One second somebody is calling Jennifer Lawrence an ugly pig, the next a mother is getting called out for her "idiotic" parenting style and being told she shouldn't reproduce. High schoolers have faced the wrath of full-grown adults, probably parents of children around the same age of the kid they feel so comfortable annihilating on the internet.
Anonymity is frequently cited as a reason that people are so comfortable letting their inner jerks reign supreme on social media. As if, because the abuse doesn't occur face to face, it doesn't occur at all. As if the words are harmless because they are being hurled on the internet instead of through the air. As kids, most of us learned the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," from some well-meaning, older relative or teacher. As adults, most of us would probably rather have a rock thrown at us than an insult about our appearance or character. Because, even as adults, the words hardly hurt any less. And often, the stakes are higher. You aren't being called out because you're "weird" or "annoying." It is usually the things that are most important that are attacked; things like religion, and political beliefs, and parenting styles. We can repeat that well-worn jingle from childhood as often as we want: For many of us, it's no more effective than when we were standing on the playground, red-faced with shame as someone made fun of our braces or stutter or outfit.
It's hard not to wonder when we started to lose our sense of compassion. Surely it was aided by the rise of the internet. Surely, before we could type detrimental things from behind a screen, we were more wary of kicking someone down without a thought. Surely, we thought more before we spoke, before we called someone a bad parent, or ignorant, or ugly, or uneducated.
Maybe before the internet, it was easier to see people as people, instead of as profile pictures who disagree with us. Maybe we learned people's stories before judging them and spreading gossip and hateful words like wildfire.
Or, maybe not. I've grown up right along with technology; my classmates were sending nasty messages online before middle school started. But that isn't overly surprising. What is surprising is that those people are doing the same thing almost ten years later, and that others have joined in. That people who didn't grow up with technology, people who are usually praised for their upstanding character, are right there with them.
Messages can be deleted and computers can be turned off, but the horrible things we chose to say still happened. Those profiles are not separate from us: They are us. Sometimes, they are the darkest, ugliest parts, but they are us, nonetheless. The you who just exhausted their knowledge of profanity at some 30-something person you've never met is the same you that smiles at the cashier and says thank you to the waiter.
Even if they are virtual, the words we choose to put on the internet are just as powerful, just as capable of inflicting pain or joy, as the words we speak. It's time we stopped hiding behind our keyboards and started acting like it.
