While getting down on yourself is basically inevitable, there is something to be said about what too much of self-deprecation can do to a person.
Of course, I am not spared from this toxic way of thinking. In fact, I've spent almost my whole life convincing myself that every single thing is wrong with who I am. Beginning in middle school, I still remember clear as day looking at myself in the mirror pointing out every flaw in my face and body.
As I went through middle school and high school, the self-hate of my body grew stronger, along with the newly imposed self-doubt of intelligence and who I was as a person. Just when I thought I was a good writer, I would find someone who wrote five times better than me. When I was proud of myself for overcoming a hurdle in school, I would bring myself right back down, because I would think: "She would never even begin to struggle with this, she's so much smarter than me."
This kind of thinking ruined so many important parts of my life. It affected my relationship with my boyfriend of now five years because I would take our fights too seriously or I wouldn't believe his compliments, all because I thoroughly convinced myself I wasn't good enough for him, or really anyone.
This kind of thinking almost caused me to lose my best friend my senior year of high school, because I didn't believe in myself enough to think I was a good enough friend.
More importantly, this way of thinking caused me to lose a vital understanding of who I was at my core. I didn't appreciate who I was and all I had to offer the world because of that unrelenting, menacing voice in my head.
It was toward the end of my senior year of high school and my first year of college when I realized this way living had to come to a complete halt. I realized that the life I was choosing for myself to live was not the one I deserved.
It took a lot, but I would like to think that right now I am the happiest I have ever been mentally. This process took a lot of "fake it until you become it", which was inspired by this TedTalk here.
I forced myself to look into the mirror and say: "you are more than enough", "you are deserving", "you are exquisitely beautiful". While I may have not believed these statements at the time, I can rest assure you that I believe them now. Of course, I am not perfect, and I struggle at times-- however, this is the precise reason why it's imperative to surround yourself with people who make you better-- with people who will stop you in your tracks of self-hate.
Slowly but surely, the work I was putting into myself started to pay off. Because the confidence I developed in myself and my abilities, I was able to take on many leadership opportunities in the last year. It was so empowering to actually see physical proof of the power of positive thinking.
So, every time some one I love puts themselves down in any kind of way, I annoyingly badger to get them to realize that they are so much more than what their past that negatively shaped them to be.
If a guy or girl you've been crushing on hasn't given you the time of day, SCREW THAT GUY/GIRL! If they can't see you for the amazing person you are, there is no point in wasting your time because they can't appreciate when you grace them with your presence.
If you've been rejected from jobs or any kind of opportunity, go out into the world and show them that they have made the biggest mistake.
If you can't see potential in yourself, you bet that other's won't see it either. It's important to remain true to your strengths in the wake of disappointment.
So go out into the world and do what makes you feel the most empowered. Listen to Formation by Beyonce when you're getting ready for an interview. Power pose in the bathroom before a big presentation. Look at yourself in the mirror and convince yourself you can do anything before you take a risk.
The negative thoughts you place in your head can take you to the greatest depths of rock bottom, but always remember that that same mind filled with confidence and self-love can take you higher than you ever imagined.
I'll just leave this here:
