The Horror Of A Slow eater
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Food Drink

The Horror Of A Slow eater

In my opinion, MY OPINION (Dad, don't be mad), there are few things that are truly truly dreadful. One of them is a slow eater.

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The Horror Of A Slow eater

We all love food. I'm sure no one can really argue against that, but one of the most annoying infuriating things that can happen while I try to enjoy my food is watching someone else eating that same thing slowly.

First, I immediately become self-conscious. Like is it me? Am I the one who is eating to fast. Do I look like a pig? Am I being gluttonous?

All of the questions are demeaning to my self-confidence. However, none of them would even be there if that person just took an extra bite in between their 2-3-minute chew period.

Like seriously, how do slow eaters even function?!

You are telling me that you seriously chew your food for 2-3 minutes. Like how many chews are you actually chewing for each bite?

Just watching them eat is so painful and agonizing. A simple piece of toast can take them upwards of 10 minutes to finish. 10 ENTIRE MINUTES FOR A PIECE OF BREAD.

Maybe I am the only one bothered by slow eaters, but I think that is highly unlikely.


I love to cook. As a semi-professional-home-taught chef, a slow eater is a huge insult to my cooking.

The slow eater will try to hide behind them wanting to enjoy the bite more. So they chew, and chew, and chew, and chew, and just when you think they will finally finish…..they start chewing again.

Did I cook it poorly? Is it too tough? Why are you chewing that strawberry, like it's your last piece of jerky you've been saving since your end of the world rations, ran out a month ago?


The flavor of the bite gets destroyed after the first 10 or so chews. The flavor doesn't continue and improve after each bite. So the whole flavor reasoning behind a slow eater is complete bologna!!!

The next way they try and hide their slow eating is that "it is healthier to chew more".


"Chewing is the first part of digestion!" – EVERY SLOW EATER EVER

Yes, you are right! Which is why I chew my food also. However, I am an adult with great teeth. I don't need to chew my food 5000 times like I am a gumless monkey trying to enjoy a banana.


I am not saying that talking and enjoying the meal is bad, but that are sooooo many bad things about eating slow.


Your food gets cold. You eat less. You waste time. You smugly judge people who eat fast to make yourself feel better.


Yes, eating fast has its downsides. We have more empty plates. We tend to spend more money because we eat more. We make slow eaters mad at us. We have to do the dishes more often.

BUT fast eaters enjoy their food as much, if not more, than a slow eater.

You can see the love in how we attack the meal! We eat each meal with the same intensity and passion as if this is the last meal we will ever each. We don't have time to waste to chew 25 million times in a single meal.


Please do everyone a favor and eat a little faster in your next meal. You will save time and find a new passion for your food. Some people have important things to do instead of waiting for their slow eating friend waste an entire day on a bowl of cereal. Thank you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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