The hook-up: an inconspicuous term that can take on so many meanings. It has grown from a single interaction between two people into a culture that now defines my generation. The hook-up culture is a casual, relaxed alternative to dating that encompasses all physical acts of intimacy without any of the intimacy part. It is a land filled with no expectations, no attachments, and no commitment—sounds pretty great right?
In actuality, it isn’t all that great. The hook-up culture is hurting the chances that young men and women of my generation will find partners who genuinely pursue them and desire to be in a committed relationship. I am often saddened when I think about how greatly our values differ from that of our grandparents and even our parents. When did a like on Instagram replace a genuine compliment? When did drunk hook ups replace first kisses? When did brief text messages replace live phone calls? When did going out on first dates become "Netflix and Chill"? In my opinion, pursuing someone should mean more than what any of these acts demonstrate.
My outlook on dating and relationships might seem traditional, however, I think that I center my viewpoints around respect. My standards might not be the "norm" these days, but I refuse to settle. I don't want to settle for considering an Instagram like, a Snapchat, a fleeting text message, or a moment of lust as some great act of affection. I don't want to settle for casual hangouts and unclear intentions. I don’t want to limit myself to a series of surface-level relationships, when there is a possibility that I could be apart of something much deeper. I most certainly don't want people in younger generations to grow up thinking that the way we approach dating is normal.
My peers and I find ourselves stuck in the weird relationship stage called "talking". My friends grieve over people who never even made their relationship exclusive. People will hang out for months at a time, then decide if they want to “define the relationship”. Isn’t this all backwards? Each of us deserves to be in relationships that are built on strong foundations. It seems as though the accessibility of others, based on social media and the ease of our culture’s informality, has caused everyone to fear deeper relationships. We are scared to embrace the idea that commitment will actually be fulfilling. We are scared to really let our guards down. We are scared to be vulnerable and admit that we want more than just a casual fling.
There is something really genuine about being open and honest with yourself about what you deserve, regardless if that is different from what everyone else around you feels or thinks. I am challenging myself, and each of you, to not let the hook-up culture swallow you up. Know your worth and don’t settle for anything that doesn’t coincide with that. We all deserve to be apart of relationships that mean more than any hook-up, like, or text message ever could.
