Ever since I was a little girl, people saw me as a control freak. I wouldn't necessarily try to boss anyone around... I just needed that added security of knowing everything.
I need to plan ahead. I need to understand people's body language, especially towards me. I just need everything in order.
A big part of what makes me anxious and seemingly out of control is my family, how they treat me, and how they act themselves. I don't think I've ever been more frustrated trying to change someone's mindset: whether it be about themselves, me, another person, or life overall. But being in control of everything is draining.
My life took an unexpected turn before my 19th birthday and I found myself facing fears I never knew I had. The most difficult part of me to work on was my need for control.
Someone once recited the Serenity Prayer to me and I, having no idea what it was or where it came from, immediately shrugged it off. I thought it was BS and I couldn't stand to think that I didn't have a role in my family's thoughts and actions. Now that some time has passed, I realized I needed this 180-degree turn. I needed to hear the prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I haven't heard a more blatant call for my attention. It floored my previous anxiety about trying to fix other people's problems before my own. If I hadn't heard it, I don't think I WOULD know the difference between what's in and out of my control.
It's a simple, straightforward prayer, but it grounds me and forces me to refocus my perspective. I need to have the courage to change the things I can: me. It's been almost a year since this discovery and yet I'm still struggling to employ it fully, but time and practice makes us stronger. I know not all might know this prayer, so I hope it can give some--like me--a sense of peace.