This is for all the girls who find it hard to understand guys in high school. Let me be the first to tell you, I was never the girl in high school that always had a boyfriend, fell in love or found a high school sweetheart, but that was OK. There were two things that sucked in high school: crappy coffee and boys sometimes. When the barista handed you a bad iced grande caramel coffee with half and half as you were in a rush to get to school, you never went back to change it. Just like you could never plan on changing a boy in high school. It would have been a near impossible mission, which I seemed to fail once or twice. As I got older, I realized that the boys in high school are not your forever guys so don't cry over them because they won't matter in the long run and you don't want to waste good mascara. The four years you spend in high school are to help you find your independence so that you're ready for the real world. They are there to help you learn what you deserve in a relationship and that is the only part that matters. With that being said, there were three different guys and this was my rollercoaster experience.

1. The good guy.

The first guy was the type of person that was too nice. He already had his goals and aspirations all laid out and knew exactly what he wanted from life and a relationship. I had absolutely not a single clue what I was even going to eat for dinner at 14, so how could he expect me to know what college I wanted to go to? Things with him moved a little faster then what I was actually ready for. I think we dated for a few months and hung out probably twice? Things were kinda tough without the ability to drive yourself around. He of course were my parent's favorite even to this day. He was the type of guy that would light up the room just by cracking a lame joke. He would actually take you in public and pay for your movie ticket, instead of just inviting himself over to hangout on a couch. This guy is the one that I will probably keep in touch with for many years to come as friends. The one that still cares about your well-being and success. Timing was wrong, but that is a common thing about high school. You can't really decide who you want to be with until you figure out who you want to be.

2. The stoner.

The second guy I could probably write a novel based on how off and on we were. That's a red flag right there. This was the most emotionally draining relationship I was in. We were a "thing" because we were more than friends, not boyfriend/girlfriend, but exclusive (I know, confusing). I presume this was because he was emotionally unavailable. There was real chemistry and a connection. It was exhausting because it was a game. It was one that I had no shot at winning and the odds were against me from the start. I was constantly feeling like it was my fault when he ditched me to get high with his friends. So I learned that my expectations could never be as high as him. He once asked me why I worked out so much and proceeded to tell me that "I'm not that fat." He was the type that didn't pass my friends' approval. If he couldn't pass them, how could he get by parents? I guess he was the "bad boy." There was no future, but you had to get it out of your system. These are the guys that think they can change you, and please don't ever change for a guy. You are perfect the way you are. However, he was the one that I had the most intellectual invigorating conversations with. Conversations could get really deep without getting uncomfortable or embarrassed. He helped me through a really difficult time, and I thank him for that. We cared for each other more than both of us planned or wanted to admit... oops.

3. The bro code guy.

Last but not least, your typical high school guy. He lived and embodied the "bro code" more than anyone I know. He would always come over after he had been with his friends. It was friends, friends and more friends. He was the type that got voted "best sense of humor" his senior year. I'm not even really sure what I would be able to say we were. We never really talked about it a whole lot because we were just us. All I knew was that when we were together life was good. Whenever I knew he was coming over, I could just leave the door unlocked and he would be able to come in and have real conversations with my parents. They liked that. I liked that. No matter what though, his friends came first and I totally understood that, for awhile. It was senior year and the summer before college, I wanted that for him. The more into summer we got, the more I fell off his priorities. I wasn't wanting to be number one, I just wanted to make the list. Let me tell you, it sucked. It sucked because I genuinely cared about him and there was no reciprocation since his guys came first. That was my biggest mistake with this guy. He was still probably my favorite; we had known each other so long. Shout out to this kid for never failing to make me laugh. With college around the corner, goodbye wasn't fun but hopefully it was a see you later.

I'm so glad I got to meet each one of these guys. It was always so authentic with them. Now, the fact that they all had adorable dogs did help their case. I learned from my time with all of them what I deserve, not to ignore red flags, it is not too bad being single and that I am worthy of someone's time. In retrospect, you've just got to enjoy the coffee while you have it just like a high school relationship. You'll finish your coffee and you'll finish high school. That's okay because there will always be another cup tomorrow to look forward to.

"and her heart was the best part, it would always calm the storm for those who were afraid of a little rain." - R.M. Drake

Xoxo,

cgl