I used to hear this saying, that you never knew how badly you were treated until someone comes along and treats you right. I didn't think much of it, I figure you always knew whether you were treated right or wrong, and maybe you did know, but that doesn't change that you can forget what it feels like to be treated the way you deserve.
When you spend months waiting for calls to come, you get used to the phone not ringing. When you spend months waiting for your partner to come home at night, you get used to sleeping alone. When you spend nights not knowing what your partner is doing, you get used to the thoughts of them being unfaithful to you.
You may consciously know that you aren't being treated the way you should be, you may look at your friends relationships and envy the closeness that them and their significant other seem to have, but the normalcy of the behavior your partner has to treat you badly, makes you not think it's that bad at all. You think it's normal, and you continue to think it's normal, until one day, you don't.
The last straw was pulled.
So you move on, you're finally done and ready to move forward. Somewhere along that path of moving forward, you decide it's okay not to be alone. It's scary. From the first date to the first time they come home with you, you don't wait up. You are programmed to adapt to the way you used to be treated.
You actually become confused when they text you everyday, you are surprised that they think to surprise you, you cannot process the fact that they are open and honest with their feelings. You don't think that guys are even capable of treating you like this, but the guy who wants you will.
He will call every night when he says he will, he will tell you good morning every morning. He will tell that you're beautiful, and that he's lucky to have you. He will wonder why anyone could ever hold someone as precious as you and not be able to value their beauty and grace. He will surprise you. Not necessarily with gifts, but with dates, or visits, or compliments, you will know it by his touch. He will know and pay attention to the most important details about you, and he will take notes of the things others would not have listened to.
You will expect an argument to end with insults, tears, and all the things wrong with you, and you will not understand how it could end with an "I'm sorry." You will think that they'll go out and you won't know who they're with or what they're doing, but they will daily want to be with you instead.
Your prior partner hated that you wanted him to text you at 3 a.m. to make sure he got home safe, but the guy who wants you will.
He used to complain about you wanting him to stay in with you on Friday nights after a work week, but the guy who wants you will.
He hated going to dinner with your family, but the guy who wants you will.
He stopped telling you you're beautiful, he made you feel undesirable, he didn't tell you everyday how lucky he was to have you, but the guy who wants you will.
People follow my posts because they look for inspiration, I haven't been able to give much inspiration lately because I've been trying to figure things out for myself. I've spent weeks upon weeks trying to decode and discover, trying to find the hidden reasons for a behavior and understand the emotion behind it. But eventually, you get tired.
You stop texting, you stop answering, you stop praying and waiting and wishing, and when you do, it allows you to notice the man who truly wants you in his life. I like to follow my own advice, and I haven't written to you all in awhile because I was a victim of my own optimism. The other day, I decided I should because I hadn't been.
I decided to let things play out the way that they should, I took a few step backs and allowed others to step forward. I can't tell you that my love story ends the way a fairytale would, he didn't realize that he screwed up. He didn't burst through my front door with flowers, we didn't ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. He still texts me when he's drunk and tells me he misses me, but never enough to put in the work.
So I stopped.
And when I did, it allowed the guy who wanted to do all those things for me to step up and do them.
He never spoke loudly enough to tell me what he felt, but the guy who wanted me does.
He didn't think of me when Christmas shopping, but the guy who wanted me does.
He didn't come see me late at night when he got off work, but the guy who wanted me does.
He didn't listen to my doubts or fears or hold me when I cried, but the guy who wanted me does.
He didn't tell me he dreamt of me or ask how I slept, but the guy who wanted me does.
He didn't kiss me on the forehead before he went to work and tell me he'd be thinking of me all day, but the guy who wanted me does.
And I want to tell you, to stop waiting for his call, to stop waiting for him to change, stop asking God to make him get his priorities straight, stop asking him to do all the things he should just do with no question, stop asking him if he loves you.
The most beautiful messages have came to me in the forms of "could've" and "should'ves". The come in this isn't what was, but look at what is.
They come in forms of God's plans being much greater than my own. They come in form of happily ever afters I never could've written on my own. They come in the form of words to beautiful for a novel.They come in love that hid behind closed doors for two years waiting for you to realize you belonged with them the whole time, you had to learn some things along the way. They come in tickles under the covers and kisses that taste like coffee and cigarettes, they come in the form of "I bet you didn't see this coming."
I haven't given advice or told a story in awhile because I was busy making mistakes. Stop waiting for the guy who goes days without talking to you, who gives other girls attention, who treats everyone warmly except for you, stop waiting for the person who tells you everything that's wrong with you to realize what they lost, they won't.
Because the man who wants you, will treasure you like the gem that you are. You will not go to sleep wondering what you mean to this person, you will not spend days not speaking. You will not spend holidays alone. You will not have to decode or piece together the puzzle left for you, they will fully and blatantly show and tell you how they feel to the fullest extent.
I spent nights asking God, that if this man loved me why he didn't show me. Why his actions didn't match his words, why he couldn't be the emotional piece for me that I was for him. I questioned him, I challenged him, and when he showed me one thing I went out on my own and decided that I knew better. I caved, I caved a lot.
When I finally listened to the signs that were left for me, I was brought to someone who treasured all the things about me that he never did. I was brought to a man who thought I lit up the night sky. I was brought to a man who spent his days showing me he cared, because he wanted to.
And we wonder why they couldn't have done this or that, why it was so hard for them to treat us the way we deserve.
You'll spend awhile fighting it because you swear they love you, you swear that drunk text means you're meant to be together, and you swear he'll change.
Stop fighting it.
You will be brought to a man who awakens every part of your soul. Who believes in you. Who thinks you're the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. You'll be bright to a man who doesn't question your ability to make your dreams come true. You'll be brought to a man who doesn't make you cry, who shows you everyday that you chose the right one.
I prayed last night and in that prayer, God showed me, the one he chose for me, was there all along.
The man you are wishing will do all the things for you that you want him to, he may never do that.
But I want to tell you, not to worry about it, because the guy who wants you will.