I have endless nights sitting up thinking of what you would think of me right now. Would you be proud of the young lady I am today? Would you support my decisions? I miss you more and more every day. Even though you left this world years ago, I still shed a tear at least once a week. You always told me how I was your little ballerina and you saw me doing big things in life. You were diagnosed with breast cancer and it spread throughout. I always wonder if they just didn't try hard enough to get the cancerous cells out of your body.
I look at old pictures of you and us and often wonder how things would be if you were still here and if you would still be sitting in that white chair by the door with your legs crossed looking across the room at the T.V. Would you still be watching your show at 3 p.m. and would you still be running a home daycare? I am about to start my second year of college and I am starting to learn things on my own, I am not that little girl that I used to be. I am growing up, making decisions on my own and learning from my mistakes.
I wish you were here to see all of the accomplishments I have made and the things I have done. I always think before something special happens that you will not be here to experience it. I realized at a certain age that my grandmother would not be here physically to go through my graduation, my first day of college, my wedding and you won’t see when I have kids, but you are always in my heart and I think of you every single day. As sad as it is to sat it there are so many things that will happen in my lifetime that you will not be here for.
Some days I still can not believe that you are actually gone from this world, I still hope that I can get up and just go over to the house and see you, but I can't. Even though it was 10 years ago, the pain still hasn't gone away. They say missing someone gets easier the longer it has been, but I have not experienced the ease of missing you.
Every year when the breast cancer walks come around we go out there and walk and support cancer research. We got shirts made that have your picture on it and i wear it proudly for you Grandma. I always think of the good moments and it brings me comfort knowing while you were on this earth, I had the great pleasure of calling you my grandma.
I am so glad that we had a good relationship while you were alive. Soon I am getting a tattoo about you. Every time I hear certain songs, or see certain things, I know that you are still here and looking over me. Words can never explain how much I love you and I miss you. I know when you left it was not a goodbye, but simply a see you later. I love you Grandma, see you later!
