You’ve been talking for months now and the feelings really seemed to grow between you two, but college or some other obstacle came along and is playing as a divider between you and the boy you want to be with.
You text or snapchat more than anything now because he is always too busy to pick up the phone and call or even facetime you. You’re counting down how many days are left until the next school break when you will be able to see one another again, but here’s the thing; everything has changed.
The talking feels forced, but he assures you that it’s all in your head. You ask if he still cares about you like when you were home, and of course he says yes and gets angry at the idea of you asking a “silly” question like that. But is it really silly?
One day you know he loves you, and the next you’re questioning it; he’s hot and then cold. Maybe he’s just good at hiding his feelings, or maybe there are no feelings there at all. It seems like every day you’re either asking him or yourself if he truly wants to be with you or not. You’re not dating, but you’re something; what that something is you don’t know and clearly he doesn’t want to define it to you either. Each time the subject is brought up, you’re shot down.
He tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, or he doesn’t want to deal with distance right now or maybe the typical “I don’t know what I want”… You let him get away with those answers every time, but the thoughts in your head know they’re excuses and you keep wondering if you really are the only one. Honey, stop letting him get away with it; don’t let him half love you.
Months pass and you ask the same question again, ending with the same result from him and once again you let him walk away with those answers like it’s nothing. Now you’re at the point where you don’t want to ask the question anymore because you’re scared he’ll get tired of it and leave, but that’s the thing if he really cared about you he wouldn’t just walk away from you.
Even if he does, he never truly loved you and you deserve so much more than that. You shouldn’t depend on him for happiness, you should make your own happiness. Whether you find that happiness in family, friends, sports, or anything other than him because I was once told by a friend of mine, “I used to depend on the person I was in a relationship with, sort of like I needed a relationship. But now I don’t need anyone, if someone comes along that I think makes me better than I already am then that’s great. If not then whatever I’m chilling.” So speak up, tell him how you really feel and how you want it to be; don’t let him get away with half loving you.
Just remember that if it goes how you don’t want it to, that he shouldn’t be the thing that makes you whole but the thing that betters you and if he’s not doing that then let him go. You deserve more than being half loved, whether you think so or not.
