When I was in middle school and high school, I was the friendliest person ever. I had no doubts, no trust issues, and definitely believed everyone was my friend. I had no qualms with anyone. Every Christmas, I'd buy all of my friends little gifts or anything I could scrap together if my family was low on funds. I loved making others happy and letting them know I cared about them.
Turns out, a lot of those people who I thought were my friends never felt the same way...
Here I was confiding in people with my secrets and feelings and they didn't even care. I even realized I was the only one sharing anything personal and everyone else simply never shared with me what was going on in their life.
I used to have a great best friend but the betrayal during my senior year of high school made me realize a lot. If my best friend can be friends with someone who stabbed me in the back without an ounce of guilt and also cut ties with me without a care, she was not a friend of mine.
Graduation was a surprise when I realized all those people who I've been friends with over the years didn't show up to my graduation party. The girl who stabbed me in the back, her mother was the one who knocked on my door to wish me congratulations. The only people who did show up were these amazing girls I started to get to know during the last few weeks of school and my old middle school neighbor I hadn't seen since she moved.
I figured college would be a refreshing changeup. It wasn't. Freshman year, I made two groups of friends who were awesome. My roommates and some theatre kids who were friends with some other group of girls. I realized after I got into my first serious relationship, people ignored me and never really invited me out anymore.
I feel like there is a huge divide between single college women and college women in relationships. The girls who are single always assume we want to be with our significant others all the time.
That is not true.
My real issue is when I'm just sitting around and I find out my "friends" got all dressed up and went out together for the evening. It stinks and it's happened on several occasions.
Out of all of this, I don't have a girl best friend. Not because I haven't tried or attempted to open myself up to people, but because other people don't need one. They already have their designated best friend and don't need to add to their group of friends. The only way you would even be able to add yourself to a friend group is if you annoyingly show up time and time again like you don't have a life until they accept you...trust me I've witnessed this.
I'm not entirely sure why this has been my experience. Maybe I just haven't found the right people who get me yet. Maybe my life experiences and interests don't match up with the people I've tried to be friends with and they're confused by my way of thinking. All I know is that I'll find friends someday, even if my boyfriend has to be my best friend for awhile.
