I know you. You’re the girl with a heart that’s physically the same size as everyone else’s, but holds so much love and kindness for others that it’s practically bursting with goodness.

For as long as you can remember, you’ve given bits and pieces of that big ole heart of yours to others, not because you needed something to prove yourself a good person or because you felt it was a necessary chore, but because it was natural—you’re just a naturally good person in this world. A very rare bird.

For a long time, you truly believed that putting others before yourself was just something everybody did; it was the right thing to do, your natural reaction. At first, when people didn’t return the favor or weren’t as naturally considerate and kind-hearted as you, you simply brushed it off and pretended that maybe they were lost; maybe they had never received the type of kindness you so willingly gave out. So you continued to always make sure everyone around you was happy—whether that be your closest family members and friends or complete strangers you happen to simply cohabit the Earth with.

But somewhere along the lines of life, you forgot to save the biggest piece of your heart for yourself. You forgot that your happiness was important. Somewhere, some time, you learned that you weren’t as important as others. You learned that everyone on this earth deserved the best—except you.

I know all of this because this was me. I was the girl who did everything for everyone else because I never wanted to disappoint anyone; I never wanted to inconvenience or upset others. And that’s a lot of pressure for one person to endure. The saddest part is that I didn’t realize that what I was doing—how I was breaking myself down to build others up—was harmful to my well-being. I thought I was doing the right thing, for both everyone else and myself. I remember repeating to myself over and over again, I can handle this. I know how to deal with disappointment and still be happy, so I’ll take the burden so they don’t have to.

The funny thing was that I wasn’t truly happy. How could anyone who constantly tore pieces of their heart and happiness out in order to hand it to anyone and everyone be happy? I had given so much to others that I forgot my wants and needs mattered. I forgot that I mattered.

In fact, it got to the point where I was afraid to ask simple favors or questions of others out of an irrational fear that I’d be burdening them in some way. I could barely muster up the courage to ask someone to pass the salt at dinner, let alone confront someone about a serious situation.

Meanwhile, I’m continuing to live my life as if this was okay, as if I was okay. It wasn’t until the pressure became all too much for one girl to handle that I had reached my breaking point—and boy, when I hit that wall, I hit it hard. When my floodgates had finally burst open after all of these years, my beautiful friends sat me down and made me realize exactly what I was doing to myself. They made me realize that I had given so much to others that I had left nothing for myself. The only person who had been telling me that my needs, my wants, my wellbeing, me as a person did not matter was me. I had picked apart my soul until it was left in shambles at my feet and now I was realizing the consequences of my actions.

That’s the first step: Realizing that you are an incredible person to be this selfless all the time; your kind soul is so rare, you should be proud of yourself for being the good in this world. But, not all good things are good for you; you cannot place other’s needs before your own at all times. It will make you a walking doormat for people to wipe their feet on and then leave as soon as they came. It will shred any sense of confidence you once had. It will warp your brain into thinking that you are so small and inferior to others that you are not important.

Here’s the thing though: You are important. Say it to yourself: I am important. You are just as important as anyone who has the privilege to live this beautiful life. So I urge you to take the next step: to do something for yourself for once in your life. And when you do, you won’t feel a sense of freedom; you won’t feel like a new person by any means. In fact, you’ll most likely feel like you are the worst person on this planet Earth. The guilt will nearly eat you alive and send your mind into overdrive for days, making you rethink how you put yourself first for once instead of keeping in mind the needs of someone else.

But with time, the guilt will subside and you’ll look in the mirror and see that even though you finally did something for yourself, the world did not end; your family and friends do not hate you; and you are whole. Maybe tattered on the inside, but rebuilding. Happier. Look for that glisten within your eyes; look for it and don’t ever let it go. That small glimmer of hope will give you the strength to always keep in mind your wants and needs and will make it easier for you each time you put yourself first. This does not make you selfish; this does not make you a bad person. This makes you a girl who is strong enough to realize that in a world of billions of people, your life matters.

Continue to give to others. Continue to show the world your big heart. But this time, remember to keep the biggest part of your heart for yourself.