To The Girls Feeling Lonely Or Waiting For Love

To The Girls Feeling Lonely Or Waiting For Love

Life can be lonely -- are you seeking the best or settling for less?

A few weeks ago, my husband and I failed to make reservations at our favorite restaurant. After driving 30 minutes with eager hearts and empty bellies, we nearly sprinted through the doors of the restaurant only to find out there was over an hour wait.

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Although we were irritated, we opted to check out the restaurant across the street.

Epic fail. Forty-five-minute wait there, too.


At this point, I was really annoyed and Matt (my hubs) was growing hangry-er by the minute.

I looked across the room and saw another couple close to our age enjoying a wonderful meal. I instantly grew jealous.

Why can’t we have what they have right now?

We put our names in and stormed off more dramatically than necessary. How dare they not know we were coming?

Okay not really, but we were frustrated. We didn’t want to wait any longer than we planned on. In fact, we were so hungry that we decided to get dessert first. You know, to keep our blood sugar up. We both ordered large waffle cones and gazed at them lovingly as the little blonde ice cream scooper lady handed them to us.

We literally inhaled them in 60 seconds. I even had to wipe drops of ice cream out of Matt’s beard.

As we left the ice cream parlor, we began talking about what we were going to order at dinner. We talked about steak and mashed potatoes and warm soup. And then it dawned on us that the ice cream had helped but it didn't quite do the trick. We were still hungry.

When our table was finally ready, we sat down to enjoy a delicious four-course meal. Our bellies were finally full. I even fell asleep on the way home. That’s when you know it was good.

So what's my point?

Sometimes when we feel sick of waiting on something our hearts long for, such as love or companionship, we turn to ice cream cones. In other words, we begin to settle for whatever’s available rather than waiting for what’s best. It’s as if our tiny beating hearts are so hungry as we wait and wait, as place after place we seek satisfaction from fails, that we settle. Sometimes, it can become far too easy to settle for a man that’s not good for us – just because our hearts need that quick little fix, right?

Isn’t it funny, though, how we still feel hungry, or lonely, or unsatisfied?

Something is still missing – it’s not quite enough.

I know because I’ve done it. And maybe you’re thinking, "Big whoop. She’s married."

Well, yes, but that doesn't just turn off loneliness. I've felt lonely time after time, both in and out of a relationship. I get antsy when Matt doesn't text back. I question if I'm a burden to him. I wonder if he misses me when we're apart. I spend countless hours shuffling through lies in my head telling me I'm not quite missable or noticeable or loveable enough. Just like you do, girlfriend.

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Whether you're single or madly in love, loneliness can happen, because I'm a firm believer that the condition of loneliness has very little to do with a relationship status. It has everything to do with God calling us to be alone with Him.

So if you're feeling lonely and tired of waiting, let me challenge you to look at what you're filling yourself up with. Is it an ice cream cone, or in other words, a romance? OR is it the real meal?

I'd be willing to bet 1,739,498 ice cream cones with sprinkles bet if you stop eating ice cream cones and realize that waiting isn’t necessarily a bad thing, God will satisfy your hunger with His very best – whatever that may be for your life.

It won’t look like a sister’s life, love, or relationship. And we oughtta remember that that’s okay.

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11 Things NOT To Do After A Breakup, Even If It Feels Like You Want To

Better known as how to be single correctly.

It happens, okay?

You think you're really in love with someone and then you're not, or they're not in love with you, or maybe something horrible happened and it just needed to end. Maybe it's a long time coming or it's completely out of the blue. No matter what, break ups hurt both sides.

Whatever you may do to cope, there are certain things we can all agree you should absolutely NOT do.

1. Get a haircut or tattoo.

Whether you were the couple lovingly posting every month on 'your anniversary' or the couple who nobody even knew you were together, your break up is your business and your business alone. Don't tell your friend's aunt's cousin about it.

3. Pretend you're fine if you're not.

Your friends are there for you, your family is there for you. You don't need to be all Mr. Tough Guy about this. Everyone knows that it sucks, and no one is going to blame you if you just need to cry about it.

4. Communicate with your new ex.

It's only been a few days, or a week, or a month and you're "having thoughts" about the break up, the reasons why, an inside joke or returning their stuff. But, this is you time. When it doesn't cause you anxiety, maybe recruit a friend to help you talk to your ex.

5. Rebound.

You need time to heal by yourself. You need time to be by yourself. Have fun in ways that don't require a boo. Rebounds also end very quickly, and it's not fair to you or the other person to go through another round of pain.

6. Cyber stalk.

Posting about lunch with a friend has no meaning. Being tagged in a photo has no lasting repercussions for you. Do you really want to do this to yourself?

7. Abuse substances.

Don't say you're going out to 'have fun and forget.' It's basically saying you're going to drink too much. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

8. Complain too much.

Give yourself a period with your friends to grieve and complain all you want. After that, you stressing on it is only you making it worse for yourself.

9. Start seeing/dating/hooking up with their friends.

Why would you put yourself in the situation to be connected to them in any way? You're only seeing their friend so that you can still be close to them and you know it. Don't ruin a friendship just because your relationship ended.

10. Compare yourself to their new bae.

Okay, so they moved on. They may have moved on quicker than you would have liked. Maybe new bae is better looking than you or went to a better school or something. But, they are not you. They have never been you. They never will be you. Just because you and old bae didn't work out does not mean that you need to be unhappy because of their new happiness.

11. Give up on yourself.

Your life isn't over, your relationship just is. You're still a total catch and a badass, and you cannot believe that this is the end. Your social life, your career, your family doesn't stop. Be the best you, and get out there in a bit!

Cover Image Credit: NBC Universal

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Dear Future Soulmate, I Am A Crumpled Dollar

A message to my soul mate, whoever you are.

To Whom It May Concern:

When I was younger, I was in a rush to meet you. To be honest, up until this past month I was still frantically searching for you. I looked for you in all crevices and open spaces. I looked for you in friends, classmates, and the cute guy at the gym. I looked far and wide for you.

I was in such a rush to meet my soul mate that I sped past all the other beautiful things in life because I wanted you to be the only beauty in my life. I forced the idea that specific people were you because I wanted so badly to find love already. I was obsessed with the idea of high school sweethearts and I regret forcing so many relationships that were not full, whole love.

However, I’m writing this to you because, despite my misfortune in romance and relationships, I believe that you’re still out there. I believe that my timing is just not right and that when I am fully in love with myself, I’ll be able to fall in love with you.

Maybe you’re in a relationship with someone else or maybe you’re just like me and you don’t know if you’re ready for love just yet.

Maybe you’re trying to learn to love every part of yourself and discover new sectors of yourself that you never knew before just as I am. Maybe we are both discovering ourselves and who we truly are before we discover love.

I am a crumpled dollar. I have been worn down; thrown on floors, crumpled up in pockets, with even some tears on the edges. I’ve been in the hands of those who didn’t care about my worth and in the hands of those who did. I’ve been forgotten in secret compartments of wallets and given away for useless things. But despite all that I’ve been through, I still carry value. I still have something to offer.

Now, I don’t expect you to deal with all the trauma that others before you have caused, but I do expect that you realize that these trials and tribulations that I’ve been through create the person I am today. With all the hurt I’ve been through, I am still worthy of love. I am still valuable. This is a lesson that I’m still trying to learn to this day.

Love of my life, there are really only two things I ask of you: to value me and to encourage my personal growth. It seems really simple, but there are many factors and steps to be able to accomplish these two tasks.

As a crumpled dollar, I ask that you do not crumple me again. I am constantly trying to straighten myself out. My color has faded and I do have tears. I am run down. I’m not asking you to fix me, but rather I am asking that you value me. I ask that you value my worth and appreciate what you can get out of a dollar. I know my worth and I will not let someone treat me less than I deserve, or at least not anymore.

I ask for respect when we butt heads, for empathy when I hit a bump in my own individual road, for kindness when my know-it-all attitude doesn't really know it all. I ask that you laugh at my jokes when they aren’t funny and understand that not everything is guaranteed. I ask that you realize that love is a choice and that you realize that I am worth it.

Secondly, I ask that you encourage every hobby, every career aspiration, every goal that my crazy, persevering self comes up with. I hope that you support me trying to be a better me each day and that you do the same. I hope that we both search within ourselves to find talents that we can contribute to the world and give the world as much love as we can.

As selfish as it sounds, I don’t want you to hold me back. I don’t want you to feel inferior because of my education or because of my career, but I want you to jump into every day with the same excitement and vigor for life just as I do or even motivate me when getting out of bed is just a little too hard that day. I want to conquer the day together. I want to grow together, rather than grow apart.

I don’t really know what you’re up to right now or if I’ve already met you. However, I’m not in much of a rush anymore to meet you because I know that this time in between hurrying to run into you and actually realizing who you are is such a formative time for me. This is a time for me to be able to fully and wholly love myself.

It’s a time for me to be my best me for me so that I can be my best me for you; to realize that I am not only capable of giving love, but of receiving it. So to the love of my life, whoever or wherever you are, our time for love will come. But I'm very, very excited to meet you.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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