The Friendships You've Built And The Ones You've Forced

The Friendships You've Built And The Ones You've Forced

And understanding the difference

The Friendships You've Built And The Ones You've Forced
Eren Santana-Bykofsky

I grew up seeing my peers surrounding themselves with groups of people, and if not groups of people than one specific person that they did everything with. I never really had that for a long period of time, I would jump from friend to friend and group to group for a week or so but then find myself steadily by myself; I didn’t dislike it (the introvert in me was throwing a dance party) but I always perceived it as me being a bit socially different than others. As I got older, I realized that friendships seemed to fall apart rather quickly (whether it was my fault or not) and I felt a sort of necessity of having at least one person that I was glued to. Not because I felt scared to be alone (I loved it) but because I didn’t want anyone else to see that I was any different than others. I spent years forcing these relationships with people that I wasn’t quite fond of just for the sake of ‘having people,’ I know awful, right? But I was brought up by society being taught that my importance as a human being is the amount of people that want to be around me, not how much I want myself.

As I entered my first year of college, I realized I was just following the same notion that I have been doing my whole life (forcing these relationships.) I decided to make one of the hardest decisions I had to do for myself, to really look into my relationships and understand which ones I am forcing or the ones that have been built up from pure love and admiration. I cut people out rather rapidly, and couldn’t find the right explanation for just having them understand that I needed some kind of human warmth because I thought the fire inside of me wasn’t warm enough. I was left with the people who understood me deeply and held my hands when my tears wouldn’t stop streaming, the people who understood my sense of humor and accepted my apology when I made a mistake because ultimately they want to watch me grow and be a better person.

I felt alone at first, really really alone. I had to rely on myself for a lot of my own warmth even when it felt like a blizzard in my mind but ultimately it helped me see the type of relationships I need/want in my life. It helped me see the love that I can give to others and how unconditional it really can be, and I don’t have to force to be someone's friend in order to feel comfortable with myself, I can just learn how to be comfortable.

If you ever feel curious about the relationships you have surrounding you, do yourself a favor and ask yourself what each person means to you. If you are flooded with materialistic aspects of the person rather than emotional, than distance yourself (in my opinion) and start to be forceful in the types of relationships you need to blossom in your life. Never be apologetic for the things you need and the people you want.
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B just dropped the hottest summer single yet. It's called "WAP" and we're going to get into all the intoxicating lyrics.

This song empowers females and their sexuality. These women put the ridiculous music industry female beef to bed, and I mean tucked away in a coma.

Keep Reading... Show less

How To Write Down The Holy Grail Recipe Everyone Begs You To Make

Because everyone has a signature cocktail, cake, or pasta they bring to every potluck.


From back when I used to bring my mom's classic white chocolate chip cookies to preschool on my birthday to now stirring up my signature tequila cocktails at every friends' barbecue, I've always had a couple of standby recipes in my culinary rotation.

Keep Reading... Show less

Meet My Cat: Cheshire, The Stray Turned House Cat Who Lives in Michigan

I never considered myself a cat person, but Chess immediately stole my heart.

Madelyn Darbonne

In 2016, a stray cat gave birth to a litter of three grey kittens on my aunt and uncle's property. I had never considered myself to be much of a cat person, but these furballs immediately stole my heart. I got to watch them grow up until they were old enough to leave their mother's side.

Keep Reading... Show less

How To Binge-Watch A TV Show —And Then Write A Review About It

Writing your favorite and least favorite things about a show could not be more fun.

Photo by Mollie Sivaram on Unsplash

Looking for a new show to binge? Stop scrolling through your options and listen.

Sometimes a good show doesn't come down to the genre or the actors involved, it comes down to the fact that it is simply a GOOD show. If any of these things sound appealing to you, you should definitely watch.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

11 Reasons Why Getting A Cat Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Cats may mess up your puzzles but they'll always love you unconditionally — as long as you have some catnip, that is.

Scout Guarino

Alright, everyone, it's time to stop spreading the rumor that all cats are mean, aloof, and hate everyone. Like dogs, each cat has its own personality and tendencies. Some like a lot of attention, some like less — each person has to find the right cat for them. As for me, my cats Bienfu and Reptar have seen me at my worst, but they've also helped pull me out of it. They're a constant in my life and they give me the strength to get through the day in spite of my depression, and there's even scientific evidence to support it!

Keep Reading... Show less

I've been bleaching my hair since I was in seventh grade. Yes, you read that correctly, seventh grade. That's nearly 10 years of maintaining a very light shade of blonde that too-often brings about dryness and brittle strands.

Keep Reading... Show less

Chances are if you're here, you're probably interested in writing an open letter. Yay! We're excited to have you.

Of course, not all open letters are created equal. In fact, there's a recipe to writing one for Odyssey that'll get featured on one of our many verticals. When it comes to Swoon specifically (for those new around here, that's our dating and relationships vertical), we receive dozens of open letters each month, many of which are all very similar.

Keep Reading... Show less

With a new phone comes great responsibility: Do not break it! And the best way to do that is with a case. However, picking a case can be a challenge. No need to fret, I am here to help break down some of the best cases for the new iPhone SE 2020. Honestly, I think it's going to be impossible to choose!

Keep Reading... Show less

To some who have been out of the dating world for a while, it can be hard to get back into the swing of things after being single for some time. So, I asked 26 people what they think is important to know before looking for love again, here's what they had to say.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments