You were my group of friends. My go-to's.

Now, I couldn’t tell someone how you're doing if they asked.

The worst part? I don't even know why.

I can't be mad, I just thank you for all you have taught me.

You taught me what loyalty is. Sometimes we don’t truly know what it looks like. It’s something we’ve all been taught since we can remember, but what does it really mean? Understanding comes once you lose those you thought would be loyal to you no matter what.

You start to understand who deserves your loyalty and that it’s not something that should just be given out to anyone. It’s something special that should be treasured, never be betrayed. If you’re special enough to get someone else’s loyalty again, don’t take it for granted.

You taught me how to “live without.” Before going away to college, I thought I wouldn't survive without you. Graduation day came and I thought my life was over. I was leaving behind everything I've ever felt comfortable with. We did everything with together; every meal, every sport, every family Thanksgiving and birthday. I thought, “What am I going to do without these people for the next six months while I am away at college?” Then all of a sudden, I realized that I actually could go on without you.

That's when I slowly started getting left out of each and everything that you did. That Saturday morning deli run we loved or that beach trip on a day off. Before long, we're not even friends anymore and you didn’t even give me a warning. Truth is, my old has been replaced with my new and improved "college version."

You taught me how to be a better friend. Absolutely no one likes to be left behind. When I was younger, I probably was that person who left someone out, without even realizing! Now, I know that I will never be that friend.

It’s sad that you can be best friends with someone for years, then all of a sudden not. A feeling I would wish on no one. I still go over it all in my head yet, I can’t come up with an answer as to why my friends were just able to leave. I wonder if you think of me? Do you know that I’m still here waiting for us to be friends again? I know what being a good friend looks like now, because of you, so I thank you.

I thank you for pushing me away. I never would have left if it wasn’t with your help. I thank you for that. I’ve done some major growing up since you pushed me away. I never realized how I was acting until I took a (forced) step back from it all and realized I didn't like who I was. I didn’t want to be that person when I was around you anymore. My realizations made me a better person. It made me grasp the fact that I needed to change myself. And I did, for the better.

I thank you for hanging out with people I thought I wanted to be with. Part of that growing up you forced me to do made me realize that I actually don’t want to be taking part in what you're doing anymore. I don’t want to be stuck back in our hometown hanging out with the same people we've known for the last 12 years of our lives.

I want to go on adventures, meet new people, travel to places I’ve never seen. I want to start a life somewhere else. I'm over the "party in a backyard" with people I was never actually friends with anyways. I thought I did, don’t get me wrong. Truly, I neglected what was important to me, to please you. The truth is, I guess I am the one who moved on. So thank you for not inviting me anymore.

Even through it all, I thank you for being my best friends all those years. Although we may not speak, hang out, or even acknowledge each other’s existence anymore, you were still my best friend and I still have all the best memories with you that still make me smile.

From our first day of kindergarten to graduating high school. All those nights we stayed up late, all the sports we played together, to all the family BBQs and family vacations. I thank you.

From crushing on the cutest boy in our kindergarten class to being a Girl Scout all those years to surviving our awkward middle school years. I thank you. From our freshman year to the tears we shed leaving for college. Thank you.

I even smile thinking about that first weekend we all came home, about how much we missed the comfort of each other and how we could just sit in a backyard, roast marshmallows and talk all night.

Without you, I would've had nobody. No one to grow up with, to share all the amazing and awkward memories with. You were the greatest friend that I could have ever asked for. I still love you and I am still here for you no matter what. So, I wish you nothing but the best from the bottom of my heart and maybe someday, we will share more memories. Until then, enjoy life and create some crazy stories (so that you can tell me about it when we are old and senile one day).

xoxo