Not a lot of people know this, but the beginning of the school year was pretty hard for me. I was starting college at a school that had never been my top choice with a major that was not what I had planned. I was rooming with a person I had never met before in the building I didn’t want, rather than living in the dorm I had chosen with the girl I had met on the Facebook page. I was terrified of leaving my family for the first time ever. Both of my best friends were going to school hundreds of miles away from me, and I was scared I wouldn’t find anyone who wanted to be friends with me. Then, I met you.
For most of my life, I’ve found it easier to be friends with guys. This may be because I grew up surrounded by my older brother and his various teammates, but guys have always left the biggest impact on my life. I wasn’t expecting this to be the case in college, but meeting you changed that. Despite my history of close friendships with other guys, I have also become pretty guarded when it comes to letting new people into my life. I never thought I would come to trust anyone here as easily as I did with you. Spending time with you, whether we were talking about serious things or just cracking jokes, became something I looked forward to. I liked hearing about your day, how your classes and practices were going, and you were always willing to listen to me rant about my day and the many frustrations I was experiencing, especially during Rush week. I quickly found myself opening up to you about things I rarely told anyone. You had a way of making me feel like I was safe to talk about anything I needed to, without being judged or risking losing a friend. You became the first person I wanted to talk to when I got grades back or when I was going through anything, whether it was good or bad. When I didn’t get into the sorority I wanted, all I wanted to do was sit in your room and pretend like nothing was wrong. I thought we were becoming really good friends. I thought that we had made a connection and that I was as important to you as you had become to me. I guess I was wrong.
I don’t know exactly what your reasoning was, but one day it became as though we had never met. First, you stopped hanging out with me. Then, you stopped talking to me altogether. Now, you won’t even look at me in public. At first, the distance seemed completely normal, seeing as you had some really awful things happening in your life. But then it became clear that our friendship was quickly coming to an end. Regardless of whatever rumors you had heard, all I ever needed was you as my friend. You decided to cut me off completely with no explanation as to what had happened to make you do it. I found myself replaying every conversation we’d had, trying to figure out where I’d gone wrong and made you hate me. Honestly, I’m still trying to figure it out. I’m still left without answers and frankly, it hurts like hell. I trusted you. And you decided to ruin that trust by disappearing with no clear reason as to why. I have lost a lot of respect for you and I wonder if you even really care that you’ve hurt me.
Even though I’m mad, and trust me, I am furious that you would treat someone like this, I could never hate you. You were the first person I really connected with here and you are a big reason that this place has become home to me. If you ever came to me with answers, I would be willing to try and be friends like we were before. I don’t want you to come to me out of pity or guilt. I would hope that your intentions stem from a want to fix things as well. I honestly hope that whatever you choose to do makes you happy in the end.
