I found out through a Facebook post.

It was a simple "RIP" post. My jaw literally dropped.

You were 18 years old. You were only 18 years old.

I can't even begin to put into words how I feel. I sat in my bed for hours trying to wrap my head around it. You are gone. All I could think about were the times you made me laugh and smile. I thought about all the times we talked about the boys in our lives. We talked about the future.

I instantly remembered how sad you were when I told you I was moving an hour away. You said you were going to come visit me at some point and I was so excited. We went to Starbucks and were basic white girls. We spent a good half an hour one day talking in hastags because that was the thing at the time. I was so sad to leave you because you became one of my closest friends in such a short time.

I still can't believe you are gone. It still doesn't feel real. You were not alone. I wish I could tell you that a million times over. I always wanted to tell you how proud I was of you of how you grew up. I saw your Snapchats and Facebook posts and your Instagram posts and I was crazy proud. I was so excited for your future. I knew you were gonna be great.

I cried for over an hour because I couldn't wrap my head around it. I STILL can't wrap my head around it. My heart is so broken. You were so young. I am so angry and upset with myself. I wish I would've kept in contact with you. I wish I could hug you one more time and tell you how much I love you.

I would give the world to tell you how much I miss and love you. I wish I could one more time just talk to you because you were so sweet and so kind.

I'm sorry. I am so sorry.

I have never lost someone like this. It hits way too close to me. I wish I could tell you that you were never alone. I would've listened no matter what. I understand what it's like to feel so broken that you feel like no one understands.

Everyone misses you. Everyone is so sad.

I am so sad, but you are not suffering and I had to be told that a good couple of dozen times in between sobs that you aren't suffering. You are in a better place where I pray you are happy and not sad and broken like you were.

If you are at peace, then I am going to slowly accept that you are gone. It doesn't feel weird. I am still hoping that you are going to come out of nowhere and be like, "guys I am just kidding, here I am." I think everyone is waiting for you to come out of nowhere and be like I'm kidding.

I love you my sweet, sweet angel. I am hurting, but slowly and surely accepting that you are no longer hurting. I will never forget you. I will miss you more than you know.

Go hang out with my brother up there.