So Adele released a new single…
Stage One: Denial
This is not happening. This is NOT happening. Adele did not just release this song right here, right now. She’s supposed to still be “chasing pavements.” Adele has like a kid and a family. She cannot relate to MY love life anymore. This song is not going to be a thing.
After listening to the first 30 seconds of the song…
Stage Two: Anger
You already “set fire to the rain” and “rolled in the deep” and now you think you can just say “hello” and literally break my heart? Literally what the hell Adele? What the hell? Who do you think you are? You think you can just come out with a single like that that literally speaks to the depths of my soul? I’m done with you. DONE.
After hearing the first chorus…
Stage Three: Bargaining
Why does this have to be so perfect? Why is her voice like a god? Please Adele spare us all. No more music like this. No more. I know that “rumor has it” that you are coming out with a new album. And I beg you please do not let every song be like this one. I won’t be able to handle it. I’m begging you Adele. Don’t do this to me.
After one minute thirty seconds into the song...
Stage Four: Depression
There will NEVER be “someone like you.” *Hysterical crying* More hysterical crying* Wheezing* More Crying* My eyes are literally bloodshot and my nose is dripping. I am in the middle of Starbucks currently sobbing like I’ve just lost my lover forever. Maybe it’s because I HAVE and Adele you just brought all the emotions right back.
After an hour of listening to “Hello” on repeat…
Stage Five: Acceptance
“I won’t let you close enough to hurt me.” It’s okay. I like it here on “the other side.” On the outside. I’m really okay. This is real life. Stuff happens. But I got this. I can do this. This will be MY song. And I will sing it at the top of my lungs every time I hear it. And that person will know when I post a snap on my story of me singing it that I am OKAY. I like it here on the “other side” without them. Or that at least that’s what I hope they think.