The first is always the fall. The kind of fall where you find yourself stuck. Not stuck where you find yourself in a panic, but the kind where you may have gotten a little too carried away drinking and find yourself blissfully incapable of getting out of the bathtub. You are perfectly aware that as time goes on, the water begins to drain even so slightly. The temperature of the water either gets too cool and you become cold or it is too warm to take, but either way you have to leave. However, for the first fifteen minutes of that bath, everything seems right. Your body is experiencing joy, relief, and tenderness by the water that helps to elevate the burdens of the world. The candles lit around you give off a glow and a romantic sweetness that brings calmness to your busied mind.

The beginning of love seems like this. The first touch you receive from one another sends trills through your body, alerting nerves that you didn’t even know existed, of a much-wanted presence. The intimacy of each other’s touch is like an anticipation abundance that has finally burst from the satisfaction of that first kiss. Of course, that isn’t all.

Before all that came the late night talks. Starting with baseline questions before delving into the questions that make the others afraid to answer in the fear of being rejected at the most vulnerable state. The other, ever so aware of this possible pain, answers because they want to know you as well and just be in your presence. Possessing more and more knowledge of the other creates an intimacy around the relationship that makes that first touch so complete. It makes it all the more meaningful and enjoyable. For the first fall, that is it. There are no scars that deter you from exploring the depths of love with someone. You are free to plummet into the most yearned feeling in the world, which is love.

Having had this kind of love before, it makes you crave it so much more, but frightens you to have it again all at the same time. To know each other better than you know yourselves and watch each other grow by the encouragement and love that you give one another, it is everything. Once that first time ends, it is not only a loss, but you yourself are found lost.

When you fell in love with that person, you gained a new way of living life. You learned how to invest your life and share your life with someone else. Every achievement, failure, or something you found of value, you shared with that other person. Not only that, they shared the same with you. At that point, your lives became of equal or more value to the other by your sharing of experiences.

When you break up, you don’t just lose someone you love, but a part of your life as well. Having lost a love like this, you learn how to start your life over. You have to relearn to only share your experiences with yourself. Yes, you have your friends and family, but it is not the same. The way you shared with your significant other had so much more vulnerability and intimacy that you can’t begin to share with just a friend or family member. So, you must learn over again how to rely on yourself.

When presented again with someone who is interested in learning about you and being a part of your life with you on this level, it isn’t taken lightly. It becomes all that much more complicated. Now, you have a prior scar to compare the journey of this potential love to. The butterfly effect suddenly becomes terrifying because it tells you that you have feelings for someone you don’t even know you want to let into your life yet. It already shows you that you care and can be hurt again. You take every chance to point out flaws or why it can’t work just so when things start to get more complicated, you already have an escape plan. Because if things get complicated, there is always that notion in the back of your mind that they will leave and it is better for you to leave them, than them to leave you.

You think in terms of sparing yourself, but are you? You are potentially keeping yourself from your next great love. To live in fear, what kind of living is that, if living at all? The line of cautiousness and running on fear are separated by a hard line. For sure, have expectations, but not ones that no one can attain. Go ahead and call it quits if you aren’t feeling anything by the third date. But do not keep a list of pros and cons stored away to serve as justification when you decide you are too scared to go on to that deeper level with someone. Life is short and people’s feelings are at stake. Be cautious, but knowledgeable that once you are in a relationship, it is not just about you anymore, because to be in love, it changes us all.