Do you ever doubt yourself in your friendships? I know I do. I may be confident in most areas of my life, but this isn't one of them. I've had friends go to lunch with me and have a great time, but I'll walk away from that lunch questioning so much! I view this person as a best friend. "Wait, do they think I'm a best friend too?" It can be so confusing to be me sometimes. I do this to myself every so often and it messes with my head so much because I want to analyze every piece and part of a friendship.

Several weeks ago it happened again. I was doubting myself, but in reality, I was doubting my friend. I was frustrated that I couldn't be content not knowing what he thought. I call him my best friend, but I was too scared to ask what he really thought of me. We call each other buddies but that's different. Finally, one night after he led youth group for a group of high schoolers we went to Taco Bell to ya know.... taco 'bout it.... I'm sorry. I regret that. The joke was there and I couldn't pass it up.

We started talking about how he did during youth group; he was too modest to say he spoke well even though this was his second time. I thought he did well so of course, I told him that. Eventually, he asked what he could do better. I told him that he could work on feeling the room better and making his speaking time longer, but other than that he's an all-around good speaker.

Finally, the hour passed by and the conversation moved into a deeper place. We talked and laughed about our girlfriends, jobs, our building excitement for school, and the fact that we were enjoying each other's company. I felt it was a good time to talk about something that had been bothering me. We were on the topic of friendships and I shared my thoughts. "Do you ever call someone your friend, bestie, best friend, or brother and you don't know how they view you?" He said, "Dude, yes." I knew I hit something good. How do you just tell people what they mean to you? He mentioned something so simple and profound. "People suck at telling people they are wanted." I confessed my doubts to him and he quickly claimed me as his best friend and nothing less.

It's so hard to tell sometimes how much someone wants to be around you. These days it's hard for me to see if I'm a burden that someone will smile about or If I am truly sought after. Am I worth it? My best friend made it clear to me that I was and that he'd be here for anything.

One thing is for sure. He will always have my back and I'll always have his.

Thanks, L!