If there is one thing you know about me, it is that I am the fatherless girl. For the most part, I didn't grow up in a two parent household like most kids. So, its hard for most people to understand why I am the way I am, and I've learned to accept that.
I am guarded, completely guarded. Sometimes, I don't even understand it, or really realize it for that matter, but then I have to realize that one of the most important people in my life left me. He was here one day, and then he wasn't. So I find myself worried that I will lose someone else important to me. Most people may notice I avoid arguments and I can't stand it when there is tension between myself and the ones I love, because I can't stand the thought of losing them. But don't mistake me for "soft." My dad did not raise a pushover, and I will speak my mind when I need to. Trust me, I know more than anyone that life is too short, so I tend to cut negativity out of my life. I don't put up with much.
As for dating, I usually don't. As much as it sucks, I have trust issues with guys. Are you going to leave me too? Sometimes, I feel like my mind thinks that if I love another guy, I'm replacing my dad. Or maybe I know you're not what my dad would've wanted for me. With that being said, if I do pursue you and I end up even loving you, don't take that for granted. You should know I NEVER let my guard down enough to let a guy love me, or for me to mutually feel the same. Having another man in my life is difficult for me, so bear with me. I'm trying.
As much as I hate to say it, I'm a perfectionist. Everything I do has to be done right. Why? Well, I always strove for my dad's approval, so I'm used to going above and beyond. I'm used to trying to be perfect, even though I didn't have to be; I was always perfect in my dad's eyes. But still, I do things that would make him proud. I make good grades, I help mom with my siblings, and I hold myself to high standards. Some people may find me bratty or conceited, but I know what I'm worth and what I deserve, and my dad made sure I knew I was good enough for anyone or anything. So, you can blame my highly held chin on my father.
I'm a brat. I'm stubborn. I'm a perfectionist. I'm guarded. I'm conceited. I'm a lover. I'm a hater. I'm good. I'm bad. I'm happy. I'm sad.
I'm the fatherless girl.
