I never asked for another father after mine passed away when I was 3.

I had my mother, and we were quite the dynamic duo without adding a third wheel. I never asked for someone to fill the shoes of a man who I never had the opportunity to truly know, or develop a father-son relationship with. Those shoes were supposed to be filled by a specific individual, so how was it that you came into our lives and filled them so well? It was like the emptiness of that space was just waiting for you to come in, and with those ever-steady hands fix what could never truly be rebuilt. I never asked for you to become my second father, but then again, you never needed to be asked.

For many, the situation may not be the same as mine when it comes to step-parents and the role they play in our lives. It can be difficult to allow someone who your parents may have rightfully or wrongfully chosen become such an intricate part of your everyday life. To wake up and see that person every day and to now share personal family moments with them can be very disorienting and confusing. It isn't always easy, especially when you still love both your parents so profoundly. I'm not saying that allowing a step-parent into your life is you cheating on your respective parent- far from it- but rather that never permitting them to impact your life could mean missing out on an amazing opportunity.

Since my father never had the opportunity to raise me, most people would assume that I always wanted a father figure. I didn't. I wanted my father, but the reality of that situation was just wishful thinking. I didn't know what it meant to be a man, how could I at such a young age? How would I form myself? In what way would I construct my character? Who did I want to be? These were all questions that I still don't have most of the answers to, and am still working on. But having my step-father there to guide my hand, to teach me extremely valuable lessons, to put up with my adolescent stubbornness, and ultimately to teach me the value of hard work helped me begin the very long journey called life with a good head on my shoulders.

Maybe you weren't the one to teach me how to shave for the first time (my uncle stole that one, sorry), but you did teach me how to ride my first bicycle without greeting the pavement with my face. Even with having your own daughter, dealing with my mother's very real Latina temperament, and my childhood tendency to surliness you remained steadfast in being the man of the house, and putting everyone before yourself.

The enormous work that you put into keeping the family afloat is not lost on me, and while home isn't the most peaceful place now-a-days, you remain the same man you've always been: kind, loyal, hard-working, intelligent and a great cook like always. It isn't always easy for me to express my feelings towards you, being such an immense figure in my life, even when so far away from home. It doesn't always need to be said, it can be seen in the trust we put in each other when we work together, or the easy rhythm of living with you and knowing that that's the way it should be, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Of course, step-parents can also be incredibly difficult to adjust too if both your parents are still alive, and mine is but one case in a great many. I have also seen the relationship between my step-sister and my mother deteriorate over the years, and have witnessed how lack of communication and mutual respect can lead to awkward family divisions. The blame is not to be placed on any specific person, because blame really only ever leads to a vicious cycle of deciding who is right or wrong in these situations. Understandably, if you still have both your parents, it can be hard to accept a quasi-parent who intrudes into your life and dates or even marries one of your parents. And maybe one parent bad-mouthed the step-parent, or maybe you justifiably hate that person's guts for some reason; it can be any number of factors.

For the most part, however, step-parents really do try to be a positive, influential part of your life. You shouldn't hate them off the bat for being a big change in your life; instead, you should give them a chance. They don't have to be a second parent to you, but maybe allow them to be your friend first and see where it goes from there. Sound dating advice, right?

All jokes aside, even if I may have never asked for a step-father in my life, I'm immensely glad that he came into my life when I was 6 and has taught me what it means to be a man up until today.

May your lessons never end, may your ramblings concerning politics be as stubborn as they always have, and may your cooking skills continue to be as delicious as they've ever been.

Thank you, Natal.

Obrigado por tudo.