How have I made it this far? It’s rather insane to me. Six months ago I was on a plane on route to LAX, where I’d be boarding a plane to Beijing, China, where’d I’d be for almost a month. These were places I previously thought I’d never go to at the mere age of eighteen. Rather, these were places I never thought I would ever be able to go. It’s funny how life plays out.

I’ve spent too much time this year self-reflecting on the past, present, and future. I’ve thought about how I probably wouldn’t have been on that plane at that point in time if my father hadn’t passed away six years ago. I’ve thought about where I’d be if he was still here. That’s something I’ll never be able to shake from my mind. I can’t shake away the fact that the absence of a single person can have such a significant effect on how the rest of your life will deplete.

Death is inevitable. We can’t run nor hide from it. It creeps up on us with every step we take and every move we make. It lurks in the shadows and laughs hysterically as each day crumbles before us. Death shows no remorse for the good nor the bad. Death doesn’t care about your social status, wealth, nor your good merit. Death is a vicious venomous viper that digs its fangs into your skin, infecting your red rivers that flow through your body which eventually come to a sudden halt.

People have said it’s important not to dwell in the past, but there’s no harm in wondering what could have been. There’s no harm in wondering how different your life would have been if they were still in your life. While time doesn’t stop for anyone, losing someone you loved with every piece of your being, makes your world pause in an instance.

Your petals fall and winter ends up staying longer than expected. Your color soon fades, which inclines you to create a facade for the blossoming flowers that surround you. The sunflowers, cherry blossoms, dandelions, and violets remain unfazed and continue to sprout day by day. While your stem is left wilting, looking down at the deteriorating fragments that were once soft and rosy in color. The fragments steadily begin to decompose into gravel beneath you. And you're just left waiting for winter to finally pass so you can blossom once again.