Fifteen percent of clinically depressed people commit suicide. That's only the number of people who act and succeed. The percentage of people who attempt is higher, and the number of people who think about it on a daily basis is higher still. Tens of thousands of people commit suicide every year. All of those people thought about it a lot before doing what they did. It's a thought that has crossed many minds and hasn't stopped.

“Well, I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge”

Sometimes there are signs. Cutting, talking and thinking about death a lot, hopelessness, etc. Signs that are hidden or just simply go unnoticed. They can be easily missed, because we never want to think that a friend, relative or neighbor is suffering so much. Sometimes it's us who are suffering, and we try to hide it from others. We hide it for different reasons, like we don't want them to think that they aren't there for us enough. Maybe we hide it because we don't fully understand why we feel the way we do, and to tell someone might mean explaining something that's a mystery to you. You feel stuck, and aren't sure what to do. The days feel unbearable, and sometimes nights are even worse. You can’t even find the strength to pick yourself up when you fall.

“Laid out on the floor
And you're not sure you can take this anymore”

If you've ever struggled with suicidal thoughts, you know just how hard is to admit it. You know everyone will be want to help, but it might not be at all helpful. You feel like it's over and that there's nothing that can help. I know how you feel. I'm not here to offer a solution, but to reach out and let you know it's not just you.

“If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone”

Asking for help is terrifying. You don't know what to expect from the person you talk to. They'll probably ask, “How can I help?” which will bring up the fact that you don't really know what's going to help. You know that you want to stop feeling this way. You want to think that life gets better, but you know you'll have a hard time believing it when people tell you. They want to encourage you to try and change your thoughts. They might not understand how hard that is, and how much you've been trying to just not want to die.

“Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out”

It feels so necessary. It feels like the only way to escape the pain is to escape the place causing it. It's like when we watch movies, read books or play video games. We use those activities to escape from the real world, especially when we've had to suffer so much in it. It's like that, but worse. Our minds refuse to slow down, our lungs refuse to take a deep breath and our hearts refuse to let go of the pain, anger and sadness. No matter the encouragement or support, it seems we're stuck on this train of thought that takes no stops and we can’t get off. We may not know exactly why we feel this way, but in this broken world, it's not surprising.

“Well, everybody's hit the bottom
Everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed”

As a Christian, I know that God hasn't forgotten me. You want to know something, though? I almost never feel that way. It's almost impossible to feel like a loving God is still there for you when life has been so unyielding, you don't want to face it anymore. It's tough to believe, but it's really true, even if we don't feel it.

I know that people say, “Just pray more” or, “You should read the Bible more.” As great as that advice is, it can be very disheartening and even slightly irritating to keep hearing. You know to do that, and chances are, you have been doing it, but you still feel like nothing matters. You might just really need them to sit with you and listen, because hearing someone tell you to pray and read more doesn't help. It might make you feel even more inadequate, because again, you didn't do something good enough. Not to mention, it may make you feel even more alone than before. I know that sometimes that doesn't even seem possible, because the world is completely cold.

“I'm telling you that, it's never that bad
Take it from someone who's been where you're at”

And I still am there, sometimes.

The thoughts don't go away because you want them to or because someone else tells you that everything will get better. It will take a lot, but things will get better. Prayer does work, but not always how we plan. We can't get through this alone, even though that's how we feel. It will take time, although aren't sure how much longer we can last. It's OK to feel this way. It happens.

Just don't give in to your thoughts and don't give up on the world. By holding on, you help others who are just like you to hold on. Do it for those you love and those you don't even know who feel the same way. They are trying to hold on, too.

“'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night”

The world shouldn't lose you and who you are.

Get help.

Find peace.

Show others that life is worth the fight.

Be remembered for what you gave to the world, not what you took away from it.

Keep holding on.

I'll do the same.

“Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come”

Lyrics from “Lullaby” by Nickelback,