It’s finally here, the moment all college freshmen yearn for. It is time to start the next chapter of our lives. We are ready to make new memories, new friends, new mistakes and new choices. But with all that new, it’s hard not to dwell on the old at times, especially as the first goodbyes begin. We are as excited and nervous as ever. Because despite all the good we know is coming, so much still remains a mystery. What will that first week with our roommate be like? How long until our homesickness kicks in? Can we really handle being away from everything we’ve ever known? As freshmen, we are excited. And terrified.
And while we know good things are coming and it’s going to be the best four years of our lives, we still dread that last moment with our best friends. We fear that final hangout before someone leaves because, for many of us, we know that it is the last time things will ever be this way. It doesn’t mean we will lose those friends, but every aspect of our relationships are about to change. And with that in mind, the stages of a goodbye almost always follow this pattern:
1. The Build-Up
It’s talked about, imagined and dreaded for weeks and weeks. During senior year, the topic comes up in late-night discussions or after one of the many “lasts.” You sit with your friends, discussing and analyzing every aspect of college. You also talk about what life will be like without them. Despite feeling sad and nervous about being separated from your best friends, most of these conversations always end with, “We still have loads of time, let’s not think about it.” And so the conversation ends and the subject is dropped for a while.
2. The Realization
But time passes and the weeks slip by and suddenly it’s graduation, grad party season, Fourth of July, and then the anticipation returns with the arrival of August. Everyone begins packing up their stuff and making their final shopping trips. The countdown posts begin. Excitement and anxiety increase. Now, instead of dreaming about what college will be like or longing for the days to tick by faster, it becomes a reality that in only a few short weeks, or even days, you will have to say goodbye to your best friends. College is closer than ever and your excitement transitions to anxiety as you realize that you only have x number of days left in your own bed, your own house, your own town.
3. The Day Before
You sit around with your closest friends, the ones you want extra time with. These are the people who will watch you pack up your last few things while sitting in silence, dreading the inevitable goodbye that is now only one day away. Conversation revolves around comments like, “Seriously, where did the time go?” or “At this time on move-in day, I’ll be saying goodbye to my parents.” You appreciate this time and take in every moment spent with your friends and family. You are on the verge of tears one moment and counting down the minutes the next. By the end of the day, you arrive at a mixed emotional state, torn between “I’d give anything for another day” and “I think I’m finally ready.”
4. The Last Day of Normal
Everything is packed and the car is loaded. You have a few things set aside that you’ll pack up in the morning. You’ve said goodbye to a few friendly faces, planned out your move-in day schedule perfectly and contemplated what you will say when you meet your roommate for the first time. You’ve surprisingly little to do, and with everything being so hectic within the past week, you appreciate the time to just sit. And sit. But after a while, you realize that the countdown is down to 18 hours. Eighteen hours until you begin your future. Each moment with your family is precious and you find yourself spending a few extra minutes with your beloved pet. And then before you know it, your friends are coming over and it’s time. Only a few hours of normal remain.
5. The Goodbye
Time flies by because it feels like a normal night, laughing and hanging out with the ones you love most. But before long, the room grows quiet. It’s time for the moment that will shatter all of the confidence that you have built up for school. You look at your best friends and make a few awkward jokes to break the silence. Comments like “Guys, we are too sad, it’ll be fine” and “Lol, well we’re a hot mess” are exchanged. But your composure breaks as you say that final goodbye to your friends who have had your back, been through it all and loved you unconditionally from the beginning. One minute you are crying from laughter, and the next, you are bawling from sadness. You hug them one last time, watch them exit through your front door, and drive away with one last “See you at Thanksgiving.”
6. The Aftermath
This is where a lot of uncontrollable sobbing happens. It is very unattractive and leaves you with a terrible headache. You obtain a solid two hours of sleep.
7. Move-In Day
As you pull out of your driveway the next morning, you only shed a few tears because you got out most of your sadness the night before. You regain your composure and look forward to all that is to come. Anxiety is expected and you pull yourself together because it’s your only option. You find it easier to leave that sadness behind because there is so much excitement in the day ahead. Saying goodbye to your parents will be difficult, but for now, you still have time. And really, everything will be OK and you know that. But as you arrive at your future home, only moments away from the beginning, you cling to one last moment of childhood. Then, you put on your best smile and step out of your car as an adult, ready to take on the college world.
College is terrifying and the idea of leaving behind everything we’ve known and loved for the past 18 years is even scarier. But there is comfort in knowing that no goodbye lasts forever and that we can carry the parts of the past that we love with us and leave behind anything else. You still have the support of your family, your friends and your town. But now is not the time to dwell on any of that. Instead, it is time to try new things, meet new people and make a new home for yourself. Because in just a few months, you’ll be back in your living room, chatting with your high school friends and you’ll want something to say. So make the most of these first few months at school, and remember, no goodbye is forever.
