"Aw, look another girl in my class is engaged!" "Oh hey! So and so is pregnant!" A set of thoughts that seem to constantly run through my head every day as I check my social media feeds. When I'm constantly browsing to check up my latest buzz feed food recipe, I feel like those are the only things I see while all I want to do is write a simple tweet or status about how cute my cat is.
It seemed to be a reoccurring feeling that would creep up into my heart making me feel like I was missing out on something. Being single has been my status for almost three years now. I always thought it wouldn't be a big deal after my last relationship and thought my time would come very quickly to be with someone else, I was very wrong. Every month that passed made me grow more and more lonely. I would jump on the tinder train and try to find my "other half" through a hookup site. I kept creeping through everyone's pages to see what I was doing wrong and why I wasn't right for anyone. Seeing my roommates who are my best friends with their other halves also made me feel like an oddball. I was the only single one for what seemed like forever and I keep missing the feelings I used to have with someone.
I would feel like my heart was so lonely because I didn't have this "missing piece" Like any girl I'm a hopeless romantic, I always have daydreamed of a young strapping guy to come pick me up on his white horse and ride off into the sunset with him, I know super Disney princess, right? I felt like this was what I was supposed to be waiting for though, a super awesome handsome guy who had to sweep me off my feet. It wasn't until recently that it finally came to me, though, that I'm supposed to be my own savior.
My personal history in this situation has caused me to feel like I need to find an escape out of being alone. I needed someone or something to keep me safe. It wasn't till I started being self-sufficient that I discovered my worth and talent. I felt that I've waited this time to discover myself which took longer than others. I finally found my sense of colorful style, my love of root beer floats, two amazing roommates who constantly keep me smiling and laughing, and a home with a wonderful vibe. I finally discovered that difference between lonely and alone.
I'm not lonely or not able to find love, like everyone our times are different. I'm still finding my love for myself and my other new discoveries. It takes time to recover from a fragile track record of broken feelings and hearts, but like any wound, it takes time to build up and repair. I'm excited now to find my sense of peace in my alone time and seeing the world in a much brighter light than constantly waiting for someone to save me. It's time for not only me, but all of the people out there to jump on their own white horse and run off to find their own paradise. Take your time, try new things and learn that being alone is just another wonderful experience to learn to love yourself.
