As a college freshman, many of us probably heard the phrase: “Do what makes you happy” before we headed off to school, or decided on a major. It is definitely a good thing to do things that make you happy, but what would change if the phrase was “Do what gives you joy”? Happiness and joy are often used interchangeably, but to me, there is a fine but important distinction.

Happiness is that wonderful feeling you get, when you are with a group of cherished friends, laughing with family, or petting your dog. And yes, happiness is an important feeling that we should cherish and enjoy. But then there is joy.

Joy is less of a feeling and more of a headspace. It comes when you have peace in your heart, even if things are chaotic around you. When you are joyful, it is a deeply rooted knowledge that you are going to be OK. You know you have joy when you catch yourself smiling for no reason or see something beautiful no matter where you go. You are joyful when you step outside and the springtime blue of the sky and the blooming trees seem to speak to something deep inside of you.

However, the most important distinction between joy and happiness is that when you are joyful, you want to share it. You long for your family and friends to feel the same deep contentment that you do, and you actively look for ways to share that with them. I find that when I am in a joyful headspace, I am a better friend, daughter, and sister because joy is selfless. It is born from a love for yourself, and the knowledge that you yourself are deeply loved by others, by God. Joy is a challenge to spread around us the love that we know has given us this gift.

The last big difference between happiness and joy is how long it lasts. Joy is a long-lasting state. It can last months, years or even lifetimes. Happiness can last, but it doesn’t usually persist as long. Happiness can be taken away when something bad happens, but joy remains.

So, how do we do what makes us joyful? Although the answer to this question is different for everyone, there are a few places you can start:

1. Think long-run. What is going to give you a lasting source of joy? Is it a career you dream about? It might be as simple as having a better relationship with your mom.

Find what you love, and figure out how to grow and extend that love over a long period of time.

2. How will this challenge you? Joy challenges. It pushes you to become a better person, relative, friend, or SO.

Without this challenge, you cannot grow.

3. Be patient.

OK, I’m 100% sure that if any of my friends are reading this article, they just rolled their eyes, because I am the least patient person you will meet. I complain when the Starbucks line is too long, I can’t make a bag of candy last more than 2 days, and microwaving a burrito for a whole 2 minutes is the biggest time-waster I can think of.

However, joy is not a permanent state if left alone. You need to take steps to continue growing in your joy, and yes, it is trial and error. You will make mistakes, and sometimes it might seem like you will never have that deep contentment again, but if you decide to try again, I promise you that you will.

Above all, remember that pursuing joy is a choice. You can have all the right ingredients, but if you don’t try, you won’t get there.

So, I challenge you to change “Do what makes you happy” to “Do what makes you joyful”. You won’t be disappointed with the results.