"If it makes you happy, do it. If it doesn't, then don't." This quote, along with many others hard selling the "do what makes you happy" philosophy, continue to amass popularity in a society where personal happiness has become the guiding moral principle in most people's lives. We quit jobs, end relationships, and give up on ambitions when they cease to contribute to our happiness caboodle. While it is important to respect ourselves and ensure our own safety and mental well-being, the "do what makes you happy" mindset of today's culture has gone too far in many ways.
Before I delve into the pitfalls of this philosophy, I should establish that I myself am not a self-depriving stoic who abstains from all pursuits of pleasure or passion. On the contrary, I am a 19-year-old English major who chose to forgo the STEM major pressures so that I might instead pursue something I was actually passionate about. Rather than wrapping myself in the responsibilities of school and work, I have chosen to branch out and participate in other endeavors such as sorority life, dance, and non-academic writing projects — all of which make me happy. So why do I criticize this philosophy that I overtly live by? Well, I don't have a problem with the philosophy itself, but rather the ways in which many have come to use it.
This motto often comes in handy to those deciding what career to pursue or contemplating whether or not they should quit a job. While the drop-out-of-school-and-get-famous approach may have worked for Steve Jobs and John Lennon, this unique success formula should not be employed by everyone. Although forgoing a boring education and becoming your own boss sounds like something that might make you very happy, oftentimes a consistent payroll and a 401K will make you happier in the long run. This is even if that means working a less zestful desk job under an uppity boss. By all means, everyone should pursue something that they are passionate about. For example, I will be pursuing a career that relates to writing or literary analysis, not one that pertains to science or molecular engineering. However, this romantic idea of ditching any job that gets the least bit stifling or monotonous is not only impractical but is also not nearly as fulfilling as it’s made out to be.
This motto is also frequently applied to relationships. A couple may fall in love and have children together, but when reality sets in and the romance runs dry, they may choose to end the relationship on the grounds that it wasn’t “making them happy” anymore. Instead of choosing to push through and pursue a long-term relationship with a life-long partner that could bring great fulfillment and happiness in the long run, they choose to abandon a partner as soon as their immediate happiness is at stake. Furthermore, decisions such as this can be detrimental to the development of children, who are likely to grieve over their broken families and develop relationship issues of their own in the future. While many employ the “do what makes you happy” excuse to constitute giving up on a relationship, some use it for the opposite - staying in a relationship that may be toxic or harmful. A man may have been unfaithful, mentally abusive, or controlling, and yet a woman will continue to be with him because “he makes her happy.” Both applications of the philosophy can be dangerous and detrimental to one’s overall well-being.
Lastly, I would like to share a personal example of how the “do what makes you happy” philosophy could have negatively affected my life had I let it. During high school, I was a competitive dancer, devoting countless hours of exertion to the improvement of my technique and the mastery of my pieces. My rehearsals would take place after school, and I would often not get home until around ten o’clock. This left little time for my studies, and as someone who would cry if I got a B in a class, this worried me. There was a point when I thought I had completely burnt out on dance. Not only did it take away from my time to do other things, but dancing itself had lost its charm to me. I seriously contemplated quitting. I consulted my mom about it, and although she didn’t like the idea, she didn’t necessarily advise against it. Perhaps because she figured that parents aren’t supposed to tell their children to do something that doesn’t make them happy.
However, I chose to stick with it and realized a few years down the road that it was one of the best decisions I had ever made. It taught me to manage my time and to persevere through discomfort. I came to realize that my burn-out on dance was a very temporary one. Only a few months passed before the flame was reignited and I was whole-heartedly loving my sport again. To this day, whenever I hear questions such as “What was your proudest moment?” or “What was your happiest high school memory?” it is images of moments from my dance performances that flood my mind. What I once had thought to be the greatest infringement on my happiness turned out to be one of the greatest contributions to my long-term fulfillment.
In essence, the “do what makes you happy” philosophy is a beautiful one when applied prudently. The root of the problem lies in the fact that our culture progressively increases its emphasis on immediate pleasure rather than on long-term happiness. So my message to anyone currently considering quitting a job or ending a relationship or giving up on a hobby would be this: do what makes you and those around you happy in the long run.
