A few weeks ago, I made a resolution (a bit late, admittedly) to try to be a little kinder to myself. We exist in a world in which we are constantly being torn down and analyzed; where negativity spreads across social media like wildfire. I came to the conclusion that if the world was going to be harsh, then I may as well be kind to myself, since fostering more negativity toward myself could only cause harm. My first step in treating myself better and practicing self-love: to stop making self-deprecating jokes.
I've found that for myself and many people that I know, over the past few years, most of our humor has evolved so that it centers around jokes made at your own personal expense. There are many causes that I think this humor could be attributed to: as a defense mechanism--if I make fun of myself, then others can't--as an attempt to speak on an actual concern or insecurity that is easier to admit if disguised as a joke or a cultural trend that has caught on and spread rapidly. Regardless of the reason, it's difficult to find a conversation among friends, at least among the ones I find myself around, without hearing someone call themselves "trash" or undermining their own qualities. I'll be the first to admit that I do it far too often. Hey, sometimes those jokes are really funny but I've been trying to stop, and to be honest, I have so far failed at my resolution entirely.
However, I believe that it's worth it to keep trying, and here's why. There's a lot of danger in self-deprecating humor. Insulting yourself constantly not only gives others license to do it, but it becomes the way you speak to yourself internally as well as externally, even unconsciously. Even if you think that they're just jokes, self-deprecation affects the way you think about yourself, even in the simplest forms. I've heard people explain why they made not so great choices by saying "I'm a piece of sh*t" rather than consider the reasons why they may have made that choice. Instead of listening to ourselves, our reasonings, our needs and our feelings, we have turned instead to insulting ourselves as a way to a quick answer and as an avoidance from taking ourselves seriously. By jumping to the assumption that we're terrible people, we are robbing ourselves of the chance to process the real, deep motives we have and the aspects of our personality that allow us to understand ourselves and encourage us to do things that make us happy. It can be scary to really dig into your own emotions and issues, but it's valuable and a worthwhile step towards developing as a person. For some reason, it has become a trend to instead constantly berate ourselves.
Although I've found it difficult so far, I'm going to try to continue down the path towards eliminating self-deprecation from my language. I believe that there is value in listening to yourself and being kind to yourself, even when you've made bad decisions. Speaking more kindly to yourself allows you to consider, instead, why that bad decision happened, what pushed you toward that choice, and what you can do differently next time. It allows you to forgive yourself, because we all make mistakes. But at the heart of it all, we are humans, not trash, and we deserve support. It's easier to be kind to others when you're kind to yourself. By eliminating self-deprecating jokes, we do not go out into the world giving ourselves a negative basis for others to build on, but rather, a positive one to keep us a bit above all the hate.
