Dear You (I can't really call you dad, I guess, I never met you, I never knew you),
Recently, I've been watching a lot of "The Fosters." I've binge watched every season (except the third, I'm on episode 7 right now). Well, anyways, the main character is Callie and she is really really pretty. I see a lot of myself in her, I mean she is a foster child and she went to juvie and stuff and I'm not like that at all. But she takes a while to open up to people, she would do anything for her friends, but in the case of this letter, she never knew her dad. When she was little, her dad killed her mom in a car accident and went to jail. Now, you didn't do that, but thats a pretty good comparison. You haven't been in my life since I was 11 months old. Thats okay though, I don't regret it, and I'm sorry for that.
I've lived with my mom for my whole life. I couldn't imagine leaving her, and it always scared me to think that maybe if I met you, you would try to take me from her. I love my family up here, I may not be blood-related to some of them, but I love them so much, they are the people that I grew up with. They saw me start kindergarten and lose my first tooth and grow. You didn't. You never tried to contact me, never tried to do anything. You had no interest in knowing me. Thats okay, I forgive you (it would have been nice if my name was spelled right in your obituary though).
When I found out you died, I didn't cry. I was sad, because I mean you're half of my genes. But I didn't cry because I never knew you. The first person I told was my boyfriend, he asked if I was okay. And I said I was, because I was. The next person I told was my best friend. She asked if I was okay. I said I was. She asked me why. I said it was because you were a stranger. It was like finding out one of the baristas at my favorite Starbucks had passed away. I knew them, and I was sad they were gone, but I didn't know them.
When I found out how you died, I was upset. It isn't right to kill someone, and it always makes me upset. Murder is wrong, but killing someone in self defense, its okay. Its hard to think know that stuff like that happens to everyone. Murder happens to everyone. I never thought I would really know someone that got murdered, especially shot (because I'm all for restrictive gun laws) Its a terrible thing. It was like reading something on the news side of Facebook. "Man Shot in South Carolina Town in a Fight Over a Girl." Over a girl. Its like something I would hear about in high school. I probably had that conversation in high school. And that was it for you, though. You didn't go to the principal's office and get suspended for a week or two. That was it.
Overall, I'm sad you're gone. You weren't a part of my life, and thats okay. You're in a better place now. You never knew me. I never knew you. You aren't my dad, you never will be. I have a dad here at home. He grew up with me, he raised me. And we may not be blood related, but he is my dad. And I love him so much because he is my family.
Sincerely,
Caitlyn Seals
