I look at Snapchat, waiting for his reply. I missed him and wondered how he's been doing. He says he's good and boot camp was fun. I'm happy for him. I ask how is his girlfriend and he lovingly calls her crazy and he's keeping her. I'm glad.

I turn to my husband and tell him about Issac* and he asks if he has heard anything about the policy change. I'm happier than I ever have been.

Issac was my ex before my husband came along.

Now, some people feel weird about having your ex as a friend, but it's not always the "I still love you" or "You're my backup" cliche people assume. So there's a bit of history to this, please bear with me, alright? Okay, here it goes...

Issac and I had been friends since 4th grade. We had a sort of "tomboy protect skinny nerd but bullies him constantly" dynamic. We were great friends and spent most of our time together. Through all the early adolescent challenges we'd been there for each other. And then (cue misheard Katy Perry lyrics)... "The summer before high school."

I realized pretty quickly that I had developed a crush on him. I was pretty sure he liked me too, so on the last day of school, after we got out of class, we went to his house. I knew his dad and younger siblings were almost never home at this time.

We sat around, watching Netflix with some light childish teasing mixed in. After a couple hours, my nerves were kicking up, his dad would be home soon. "How the hell is this so easy for other people? Just tell him!" my thoughts screamed at me.

Suddenly, I had an idea. Nothing could go wrong with this! Issac walked me to the door and started saying goodbye and plans for the summer. Now is my chance and there's no turning back. I pinned him against the wall, kissed him, and ran out the door all the way home. What a rush!

That's how we started dating. I was his first kiss and his first heartbreak.

We spent the summer at his house, with friends at the park, or a mix. We kept it pretty lowkey and it was exciting. Nothing really changed between us. We did the same stuff we did before just with kisses. It was good.


But, all good things come to an end. As months passed, I was slowly losing interest. I didn't have that same feeling I did before. Did I really like him? Maybe, it was just infatuation.

One day, Issac and I were cuddling on the couch, my eyes closed and thinking over the confusion, when Issac gently whispered, "I Love You." I pretended I was asleep, so he didn't expect a reply and he didn't mention it after. I knew what I had to do and planned to talk with him next week in person.

The week rolls by and I don't know how to break it to him.

The day before I was to meet with Issac, a mutual friend of ours invited me and some of her friends I didn't know to the beach. In the cluster of friends was a guy named Scott.

At first sight, I knew I had to talk to him and I did. In fact, we chatted, joked, teased all day till sunset. Scott walked me home, added me on Facebook, and we stay up all night messaging each other. He was the one (confirmed: married now). I felt guilty about all of it because I hadn't dealt with Issac yet.

I messaged Issac and told him I wanted to break up and it was all downhill from there. Obviously, he asked why and the cliche "can we still be friends?" and I said yeah.

I broke that promise. The guilt, confusion, remorse and other negative emotions were affecting me. I avoided him when school started back up. I told him not to tell anyone we had dated, but word got out, anyway.

After that, I blocked him on social media and in life for three years. Immature? A bit, but hey, I was young and didn't think things through.

Scott and I are in love with each other, without question. After about three years, I went to a party and I saw him. Issac was dating the sister of our party host and the nerve that rushed through me wanted me to scram. I calmed down and walked over to say hi.

Surprisingly, he was overjoyed to see me and I was too. It had been years without one of my best friends and it was good to talk again. I got closure and he did too.

The point I'm making here is that it's okay to not understand your emotions and take time to think over your relationships. Issac and I both have great lives and wonderful partners.

Being ghosted and ghosting someone isn't great, but take that for yourself. Don't let it haunt you and it can actually help you. You'll figure everything out eventually. It takes time and everyone deals with situations differently. It's a form of self-care for some and it's okay. Be patience. Life doesn't always work out as you planned and it's probably for the best.

*Names have been changed for privacy