My roommate once called me a heartbroken heartbreaker.
If you have Tinder or something else where you can get swipe-happy from time to time, then you know what I mean.
I’m a single person newly okay with this fact. I’m not desperately looking for anything right now and I’m almost embarrassed to say that until now, I have not only been looking, but I’ve been scavenging through every nook and cranny for bits and crumbs of dateable men.
I’ve never been in a relationship (except AJ in seventh grade, and what an amazing four days that was.)
I’ve never had a significant other or been involved with someone for longer than a 2-hour date.
I’ve never been in a relationship, but I’m that friend that’s constantly talking about my most recent gym boyfriend or who flirts with the waiter wherever we eat.
Because of my eminent thirst and desire for well, everything, I’m a Tinder queen. Not a Tinder-ella or an expert, I mean I’m a QUEEN. I rule the kingdom and my 700-something matches would tell you the same.
However, although I do enjoy a good right swipe now and again(obviously), I am a very picky person, and left swipes are 100:1 for every right swipe.
In about two years on the Tindersphere I’ve been on two Tinder dates, both with guys that I had hit it off with through text and screen.
Let’s go back to the heartbroken heart breaker and get one thing straight: I am not sad.
I am not sad, lonely, scared of dying alone, or incomplete without a man. I am a confident, happy, adventurous, independent woman who is perfectly comfortable without a companion (although I do love my dog.)
The idea behind the word heartbroken can be contributed to the fact that I fall easily. I get heartbroken because it’s so easy to fall so hard for someone when you only see what they want you to see, and you only know what they want you to know. It’s the same idea as cat-fishing but it’s not intentional and it’s not to trick anyone. It’s simply that we construct our social media and dating profiles to showcase the things about us that we like best and what we think others would find most attractive.
I get heartbroken not because the guys that I choose to go on dates with are awful and disappointing, but simply because when you begin a relationship with someone over the internet you unconsciously use the things you know about them to create this dream character based on 5 pictures and a cliche movie quote.
What sucks about that is then when you meet them and they’re not Edward Cullen, you can’t help but feel a little heartbroken.
The heart breaker part comes from this.
The heart breaker in me comes from being so attracted and emotionally invested in someone that doesn’t live up to my expectations.
The heart breaker is born from being wooed and wowed and then let down. Unlucky for these men, I don’t like to waste my time on things that I don’t see going anywhere.
I think it comes from something my mom told me when I was a kid and I told her about a crush I had on a 5th grader (I think I was in 3rd grade at the time.) She looked at me and said, “every date’s a potential mate." Ever since then I haven’t wasted a breath or a swipe on someone that I couldn’t picture myself with in the long run.
I know it sounds crazy and creepy but I think we all do this from time to time, and you know what? We should! It’s the same reason we date around and don’t run to town hall with the first person we ever kiss!
It’s like speed dating but really slow and painful. You go on dates with lots of different people and then you spend more time with the one you are most interested in, I just refuse to keep seeing someone because of the fear that I may not find someone else.
The heartbroken heart breaker is picky and does not compromise herself because she feels bad about not being interested in someone.
I am picky and I deserve to be so. We all have things about ourselves that we don’t like. the moment you realize that that quality is not a “weakness” or “fault," is the moment that you realize you are the only, and best, version of you that exists, and you get to be picky about who gets to know that person.
Way too often the fear of striking out keeps us from playing the game (sort of quoted Cinderella Story with Hillary Duff).
Swipe away and see where the wind takes you!
And don’t feel like you have to swipe right just because they super liked you.
