Three years ago, I had my heart broken for the first time. I had never really experienced that before. I was 18, so young, and so, so, SO naive. The pain I felt was excruciating, I physically felt my chest hurt. It was at some points unbearable. Mind you I had been through so much in my life, daddy issues, mommy issues, group homes, hospitals, car accidents, abuse, and THIS? This is the thing that made my heart feel actually broken?

I was so annoyed with myself because I am so much stronger than that. I was embarrassed by my weakness in handling this situation. I was shocked at my fragility because I was so accustomed to my strength that I never formally met my weakness. I was so angry at God in that season of my life, too. Why on earth would he allow me to get that close to someone for them to just leave? So I said, "Since you took away someone I loved, I'm not giving you my gift." I stopped writing for six months. I rationalized this, that I was going to somehow make God feel the hurt he put me through by withholding my gift.

Let's all laugh together.

When I realized how much writing meant to me and that I couldn't stop, I repented and wrote a poem called, "The Storm." It was a good poem, check it out on YouTube if you get the chance. It was one of my favorites because it came from such a vulnerable place and I had to be very transparent in writing. Telling God exactly how I felt. It was a way for me to balance being a Christian and being broken-hearted. The words I delivered, delivered me out of my situation. I handed the mic to Lexi and I went off stage and cried and cried and yelled out while in the background Christian sang, "For you are who you are, no matter where I am, and every tear I've cried, you hold in your hand, you've never left my side and though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."

It's very hard to serve with a broken heart. But when my heart was broken is when the oil poured out. See, the anointing comes from the broken alabaster box. I poured to him everything because it was all I had. Your brokenness will put you in the perfect position for God to use you. You look at your scars as defeats, but he sees them as victories. Serving while in a storm seems silly, but if I'm in the midst of the waves, someone who is on the shore can't help me much. No one likes to talk about this but the way oil is made is the pressing of olives. They're pressed and pressed until they produce. People who have oil have first been pressed. The pressure doesn't feel good, but it makes for a specific anointing that only you can carry.

Jesus was a broken-hearted Christian. He served with a broken heart. The heartache he must've felt when Judas betrayed him, when Peter denied him, when the people mocked him. But he still bore the cross. The Bible said he was man acquainted with sorrow. He outpoured love when he was given hate. He outpoured mercy when he was shown betrayal. He outpoured his blood when he was mocked. Serving with a broken heart doesn't make you unfit, it deems you qualified. God is true to his word, he is a promise keeper. He doesn't want his people to remain in a state of brokenness. The best equation to victory is The Restored + The Broken = The Healed.