Some people are embarrassed to admit they have a mental illness. This used to be the case for me, but not anymore. I remember the day exactly when I realized that it's not embarrassing being diagnosed with a mental illness. I was on a date, and the person started talking about anxiety, like it was the weather. They made it seem like not a huge deal, they felt comfortable talking about it. Myself, on the other hand, sat there organizing my food by shape because my OCD took control.This individual even expressed being glad that they were diagnosed with a mental illness. After this date I remember coming home and going to my room (AKA my thinking cave). I thought about the things that I deal with on a daily basis, and I grabbed my journal and began writing down some perks, it was a challenge, but I did it.

When looking at depression there doesn't seem to be much good that comes out of it. I mean, depression did cause suicide attempts. After thinking I realized that my depression helped me grow as a writer. Whenever a wave of depression came over me, I would write. My writing was never something that I wanted to share, that was until one of my pieces got published, and I was paid. I began submitting more of my work and getting positive feedback from those around me, even strangers. I started writing more, submitting more, and it made me happy. Knowing that others were able to appreciate my work made me feel on top of the world. Currently, I am working on a book, which I hope to have out by the time I graduate college in 2020. I can thank my depression for the phenomenal writing skills.

I was recently diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder and attention deficit disorder, but let me start with the attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Let me start by saying, this is the disorder from hell. I struggle with focusing so much to the point that I often forget driving in the middle of my daily commute to work. My doctor prescribed me Adderall, which was a huge mistake. The medication is good for some, but not all. Life without the Adderall is honestly better for me. One of the best things about ADHD for me is the constant energy that I have. 3AM is no longer bed time, 3AM is when I want to do the dishes, or run 5 miles on the treadmill. My thought process is all over the place. For instance, I can go from talking about my day to thinking about ending world hunger. These inconsistent thoughts bring about waves of creativity which brings out some pretty neat drawings, poems, and even life plans. My ADHD makes me feel crazy sometimes, but it also brings out a creative side in me that I wasn't aware existed.

Lastly, my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (AKA my best friend). When people think of OCD they automatically think "neat freak". This is the case for me, I love cleaning, but with OCD it's also a condition that makes someone obsess over anything. For instance, people can obsess over others, pop culture, and even themselves. The first time I met my current partner I got caught on their lips, the way the left side curves a little. I also got caught on their voice because it relaxed me. I clean too, constantly, which in my eyes is great. i obviously hate messes, so the fact that I can 3 times a day or 4 if I leave the house for more than a night is incredible. I enjoy 3AM cleaning sessions because those are when I think about life, and by that I mean the big question of "how the hell did we all get here?". My OCD also helps me notice the little things about the people around me, and I can easily sense their mood because I focus so heavily on their tone, eye contact, and body movement. My OCD has also helped me excel in classes because instead of writing one rough draft I'll write 5 or 6, depending on how I'm feeling.

I am no longer embarashed by having mental illnesses because what's there to be embarashed about? They helped me grow into the woman I am today and without them I don't think that I would be doing as well as I am. I wish that the stigma around mental illnesses being bad would vanish because they're truly not, they make a person unique. If more people would be accepting of these illnesses then the stigma would vanish.