Hi, it’s me. Who else, right? Who else do you spend all your time harassing and following everywhere? You’ve spent years focusing your attention solely on bringing me so low I have only you to lean on. Well, you know what? I’m done. We’re done. I know what you’re going to say: “You’ll never live without me, no one will ever love you, you’re nothing, no one can stand you.” But you’re wrong.
You don’t own me. You can’t control me. I am a good person, people do like me, and I have something to contribute to society. I am worth something. I don’t deserve to feel like your crutch all the time. I hate your very presence. I hate how you can make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin for no reason whatsoever. I hate how, when I have nothing to worry about, you create problems or dredge up my most embarrassing moments and make me replay them in my head over and over. I hate how you bully those that do love me by making me doubt they ever did. I hate when I feel I have no control over you. You think you can just waltz in any time you want and suffocate me? Well, I’ve got news for you: I’m stronger than that.
I’m happy with the decisions I make and I won’t let you make me second-guess myself. I love my friends and my family and they love me, and you can’t make me think otherwise anymore. I’m tired of overanalyzing everything, of feeling like I’m in a cage that you put me in. I’m so afraid of you, and I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t need you in my life and I want you to leave now. So I’m filing a restraining order, I’m barricading the door, I’m doing whatever I have to in order to keep you out. I know what you’re going to say: “We’ve been through this. It’s always the same. You always let me back in.” I know every time I told you to leave, you seeped back through the cracks. And I guess that’s not entirely your fault… I made the mistake of leaving them open. I either missed them the first time I filled them up, or a particularly bad storm blew through and before I could rush to repair the damage, there you were again, ready to take root. I know you have no power if you aren’t taking it from me. You’ll starve if you’re not constantly sucking the life out of me. I would be lying if I said I was sorry to see you go. I remember what it was like when I wasn’t bending backward underneath the weight of your dark claws on my shoulders all the time, and I want so badly to feel light again. So, please, I’m begging you - no, I’m demanding you let me go, Anxiety. I won’t deal with your dark cloud anymore. I’m done letting you get into my head. We’re over.
Sincerely,
Your Host
